.
Letter #1
The State Fair -- A fair state
15 July 1949
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Dear Heavenly
Father,
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Good evening Sir!
Father, my heart is fuller with joy
than any one man has the right to expect, and I just wanted to take a minute to thank You kindly for the sheer sweetness of
today and all. It's the first time since Mother's passing I can truly say I enjoyed my time at the Fair, like we used too.
On the way home I held baby LeAnne in my lap while her twin brother Henry he slept against my side. They are so grown to only
be two years old! I could let myself believe it was their father and Penny Acres. I was so happy, and so
tired too for a fact, for I know the danger of letting the past overwhelm the present.
It does occur to me how-some-ever Lord, that if You were ever to grand our request for eyes in our
hind parts so we could see how it all turned out, as well as to see into the future, we still wouldn’t
get nowhere for all the time we’d spend looking at how things turned out. But having said that, let me hasten to add
that I do wish there was some way to could get through to my oldest James, seeing as he is having such a fit about my leasing
the land out to Harlan Crowley and his son George to begin with, and now he’s spitting nails –
in that righteous “preacher man” way of his – because I took the Homestead back from Harlan after his son’s
shocking news!
Not to complain or nothin’, You get enough of that from most folks and in all of my fifty something years I ain’t
never seen anyone benefit it from it except the junk man or the Banker, anyhow…
I don’t want to tire You out none with my vain complaints, Father, seeing as how there ain’t nothing I
can to change them. But You allowed James to take his own way in Life, and I needs must respect that my sons are as different
from me as I am from my father, though growing up I wanted nothing more than to do and be everything in the shadow of that
good man. How he did love You, the love of Jesus took him to heaven’s door and let Maude Amy and me peek inside as he
breathed his last. But I’m sorry to say I ain’t been as good a model for the sons and sweet daughter child that
You give Mother and me. We tried, You were witness to that, Sir, but James, he come home a changed and different man from
the boy what made Molly Bea and him miss the Grange party so Sadie could be safely delivered of two milch calves. Even then,
Father, Molly Bea, she loved him as fiercely as Cathy Baker she does his youngest brother Sandy now.
Things are the way they are. At least we ain’t at war
no more, and for that I am profoundly grateful Father!
But if’fn You could see Your way clear to let James
see it as I do? I don’t know if that’s too much to ask of You or not, GOD? If it didn’t come true then I’ll
know You didn’t want Your Plan to weave in that particular strand of thread, and that’s okay with me too. I was
a youngin’ when I tried to tell You how to rule Your own universe and finally wised up to that ole father Washburn,
he was a sage ole man. He seldom spoke, except to the children and the simple minded, but when he did Father GOD, he sure
made a heap of sense to me even as young and as arrogant as I was in my youth, and my being the BOSS MAN and all,
or the way he smiled when he said it. But that crippled ole man, he used to say that You could see the whole pattern from
start to finish and us mortals,
well, we wanted all the color in our one little spot whether anybody else had some or not, and that You were too good
and too kind to allow that. Now James, he’s always saying how he talks with You, so maybe YOU could make it see it like
I did two years ago, Father?
Alexander, Sandy, he was aching so bad
to attend them three years of Agricultural College what would let him turn nineteen and be able to run the farm proper. Not
like us old folks what only took and took and all we did was plow and add a little fertilizer, you know what I mean?
Tom’s death was still heavy on all of us, Mother was dying of it, there ain’t no pretending any different
as much as Maude Amy she loved us all with that great, sweet heart of hers. THREE angels must have had to give up theirs for
You to cram so much care into one little woman!
And be fair Lord!
James, he got both legs blown off at the knees and most of one arm! Even if’fn we don’t use a mule to plow no
more, you can’t farm with only one good arm unless the love of the land is in you. And it ain’t in James. That’s
the simple truth, Father. I ain’t saying anything behind his back that I haven’t said in front of his face. I
don’t blame him for his first youngest brother dying, the War did that, but Tom, he loved his Ma back so much, he wouldn’t
never have taken that set into the local recruiters office less’n he was following in his brother’s shadow. But
that’s neither here nor there! For someone who ain’t going to complain to You Father, I’ve done a heap of
it already. I apologize! For a fact honest.
It’s just Sir,
Harlan’s family was here, if still living under their wagon when Woodrow and Frances Harkness they even come into the
Valley themselves! So I was right proud that a Valley family wanted to take over the land on such short notice with Mother’s
death but we weren’t selling her home out from under her children, simply leasing it so Sandy could have his dream to
be as good to the land as it’s been to us these many generations! But James, he acts like he’s the father and
I’m the son and seeing Paris France gives him a better insight into what’s right or wrong for our family. If only
that were true. I mean Lord, I know I ain’t going to be much longer separated from Mother or You, and
then he will be the one to take up the patriarch’s mantle. I know I wasn’t prepared too none
when Young Tom Harkness, he got killed trying to bring in the hay. He should’a minded the warning of them mules. They’re
smart, not stubborn like jackasses, but they died with him and that’s a hard loss too. But it fell to my shoulders when
I married Maude Amy and it will fall to James as the oldest son when I pass on. But it would help if’fn
he’d stop bullying those of us who love him!
I mean, look at tonight!
It’s Sandy's sixteenth birthday so he called us with his own money all the way from the Agricultural College in Landenberg!
Cathy Baker, she spent a long time curled up on James' living room couch talking to his youngest brother in hushed
tones, even covering up half of the receiver so he couldn't overhear any more than he had too, him sending such disapproving
looks to Molly Bea when she tried to signal him to come out to the kitchen with her and me to give them young lovebirds some
time; still it did my heart good to know that my youngest son has someone to love him with the kind of intensity Cathy Baker,
she brings to anything she does.
We saw young George
Crowley at the livestock pens. But he just laughed when I asked him if'fn he was checking out the short-limbed mules what
the Army is disposing of at a fair price. Leaving me feeling hopelessly old-fashioned and out of date. I did see a good, longed
legged Missouri Blue! A Jack what set my mouth to watering, even though I've been living in the City with the Kids these many
months. He ain't been spoiled to work by standing at stud too much, just enough to show he was a proven producer. They had
two of his colts up for sale too, one by a mare and the other by a Jenny. A small good-natured jenny, with a dark stripe over
her withers. She'd be easy to teach to ride so Leanne and Henry, they could have a pet and a ride in the old pony cart without
trying the Jenny's strength none. I still long for the right to buy her for the twins, for I know Harlan, he wouldn't be put
out at stabling her with the milch cows. But James, him having only one good arm, he wouldn't allow the children anywhere
near an animal he couldn't harness for himself.
But I'm not going
to tire You out with vain regrets that I cain't do nothing about, Father. James, he came home a changed and different man
from the boy what missed the Grange party so Sadie our cow could be safely delivered of two milch calves. Even then Molly
Bea, she loved him as fiercely as Cathy Baker does his younger brother now. Things are the way they are, at least we ain't
at war no more, and for that too, I am profoundly grateful LORD! I am, for a fact honest!
It was finding our dear Sharon McFadden at the apartment that set my heart to racing! To think that You have allowed
her to come back to us to finish the years she needs at a hospital now that she's graduated Doctor school! This is just such
a gift, as I never expected! I remember her eyes watching me with such concern as they put that anesthesia cone over my nose
for the operation on my heart. I know she was smiling bravely to reassure me although I couldn't see it behind her mask, but
I wasn't afraid, not with her there assisting the doctor, and didn't I prove right? Here I am, all but recovered and there's
only a scar that fades with each month.
Maudie? I miss you more than ever, seeing our dear Nurse McFadden and hearing her voice. It does
awaken the memories of when I walked into the back hall at the Homestead and found you two collapsed into one another's arms
sobbing because you put on a good face for the young man dying of war wounds on just the other side of the door. But Tom,
he brought such peacefulness to our lives even with his death and having her near lets me know I didn't make-believe dream
you up and all the good years we did have together. I miss you Sugar Babe, but I know how soon we'll we in one another's arms
again and the tears then will be tears of joy, like these I feel on my face now!
"
Amos? Father Webb? Are you all right? You didn't hurt yourself carrying LeAnne in from the car,
did you? "
" No, thank
you Child. Don't go fretting yourself about me. These are tears of joy, Molly Bea. They be tears of pure joy. I promise you
that. "
" Good. I'm
glad. Is there anything we can pray about before I tuck in the children for the night, Amos Dear? "
" No, Child. You go ahead. I'll be in before the mosquitoes know to bite. "
" If you're sure? "
" I'm sure. You go ahead. "
" All right, but only if you're sure. "
" I am Dear Heart. Good night. "
Father,
You
could not have gifted me with a sweeter daughter than our dear Penny Acres, all the way in Darkest Africa with her new, older
man for a husband to take away the pain of losing her beloved young husband Arno Cleaver, or than with this here daughter-in-law
Molly Bea! I know James, he’s taked her for granted since he come back and he's so stuck on that Cynthia Cromwell, and
her what wouldn't give him the time of day when she was the prettiest girl in Indian Wells! But my time
in teaching my children right from wrong is done and if'fn he's good enough to take over and pastor that there little church
and double it by him being a 'War Hero', then it's not for me to rebuke another man's servant, just as Your Good Word says.
I'll just be so glad to have a day that don't mean pain in my spirit, my body or my soul. And today was such a day!
Thank You for Your grace and this quiet peace. If I close my eyes I can feel Mother standing next to me. Stay with
me till I drift to sleep, will you Sugar Babe? When I lay down, I'll hope you in my arms again tonight and let tomorrow bring
what it will. Unless I push it aside by my attitude, tomorrow will have it's share of joy and surprises too!
Your peaceful (at last) son,
Amos
Jefferson Webb
