Before This I Was - Chapter 11

Already keyed up from the quick response she received to her telephone appointment with Dr. Waverly, the new Administrator. Since she had forty-five minutes until she was due to speak with them, she decided to look around the small private hospital and get an idea of what she was deciding to get involved with. Starting with the E.R., she watched the attitude of the Interns and nurses on call, and then followed one of the patients to the Pharmacy and waited in one of the corner chairs as if she knew the person getting the prescription. The Maternity Ward, cafeteria, X-Ray department, even a quick peak through housekeeping all yielded the same consistent care for cleanliness and prompt care of their patients, which impressed her for the small staff she’d seen so far.

She checked her watch at one of the hallways marked Hyperbaric Chamber and Wound Care but she only had ten minutes left and the doorways were at the end of a long, echoing hallway so she turned back toward the elevators. Seeing a bank of pay phones, she impulsively chose a middle one and dropped in the coins, dialing Tony’s work number from memory. He took longer to come on than she expected as she began to worry she hadn’t left herself enough time to get downstairs to the Administration wing.

Just as she was hanging up, she could hear her ex-husband shouting her name into the receiver.

She was putting the object back near her ear to speak into it when the illogical outburst set her nerves on edge. He knew exactly where she was, and how she got there. Clearly, he couldn’t speak as freely as they did the first time! She slammed the receiver down, hoping she hadn’t been on long enough for the call to be traced, then wiped a clean tissue on her palms and the phone receiver to dry it off. Then hearing the ‘ding’ of the opened elevator, a service for its blind patrons, she rushed toward it, waving her hand in front of the closing door. It automatically retracted and held open for several seconds before it closed again, totally ignoring the ‘close door’ button although she pressed several times in nervousness.

Carl Waverly proved to be a small bone, soft-spoken man of European ancestry with a surprising insight into the Cherokee culture and what was important to its primary patient base. He was easy to speak with and both he and Dr Lightner, the Chief of Staff for the Medical division of the hospital seemed as pleased to speak with her as she was with them.

She was as candid about her reservations as she was at her excitement about the prospect of being able to step into a job where she was sorely needed.

“ The medical protocols you can learn, Michaela. “ Carl Waverly said with a flick of his hand. “ But your experience in dealing with people, with coping with impossible demands on inhuman and totally unrealistic schedules that have to be kept! Something you only learn with experience, and that’s what makes you so invaluable to us on such notice! I’d like to offer you the six-week internship to give you time to see if this is a job you’d like to stay with…We can’t match your military benefits. But you’ll have free doctor car and all the stale biscuits you can eat. Or is that the Interns? They get to eat what the discharged patients aren’t here to eat. It keeps them “a lean and mean fighting machine“ to borrow a phrase from Muhammad Ali. “

She laughed out loud; then covered her mouth with embarrassment but the chuckle kept pouring out between her fingers.

The relief she felt showed on the two older men’s faces as they stood and offered to shake her hand.

“ Welcome aboard, Mrs. Padgett. We are so glad to have you here. If you can spare another forty minutes, I’ll get one of our security people to give you a tour of the facilities? “

“ I’ve certainly liked what I’ve seen so far. I didn’t go to Pediatrics but I took a few minutes to look through the window at the nursery. Sometimes it feels like God is saying that everything will be all right if He keeps allowing babies to be born, like the bumper sticker says. “ She added, wishing she hadn’t even brought the subject up!

“ You’re being free to step in right here, right now, when we need you most, is nothing short of a miracle, as far as I’m concerned, Mrs. Padgett! It’s like you were made to fit! “

But they were chatting so freely between each other he realized they weren’t even listening so he took a step back and watched them, his head cocked to one side. It did seem almost too good a fit, and there wasn’t any certainty that she would want to stay once she understood the hectic and challenging nature of the job, bit it helped relieved the sour taste in his mouth to know that at least had someone they didn’t have to explain their jokes too. For the next six weeks at least.

“ Where’s the rest of the car, Auntie My? “ Mara teased as she threw her school books in the back seat and peered over the seat cushion.

“ They taught us about the names for Moons in each month in class, and the colors for each of the Seven Clans, Auntie My? You want to hear them? “

“ Go for it! “ Michaela urged her as she shifted the small oval car into gear.

“ Okay! [1] “ Her face became very serious as she counted off the tips of her fingers. Green is the Clan color for the AniGatogewi, the Wild Potato Clan. And Yellow is the Clan color for the AniGilohi, the Long Hair Clan. Brown is for the Ani Kawi, the Deer Clan; Purple, the Ah-ni-tsi-sk-wa, the Red Tailed Hawk Clan. “ She took a deep breath. “ Blue is the Clan color for the Ah-ni-sa-ho-ni, the Blue Holly Clan, White is the color for the Ah-ni-wo-di, the Paint Clan. And Red is the color for ours, the Ani’-Wah' Ya, the Wolf Clan. “

“ That’s very good, Mara! “ Michaela said in genuine delight. “ And what is January? “

“ The Month of the Cold Moon. But I’m not sure of the Indian name yet. “ She bit her lower lip in nervousness until she realized her Aunt was going to take them in order.

“ Very good. It’s Du-no-lv-ta-ni. “

“ Can we wait on those until I get the others memorized better, Auntie My? “

“ Sure thing. “

“ Mom used to tell me the Moons, but I don’t remember them all. I was just a little girl. “

Michaela’s hands gripped the steering wheel tighter but she smiled over at her niece. “ February is The Month of the Bony Moon; March, the Windy Moon; April is the Flower Moon . “

“ May is the Planting Moon! I remember that one! “

“ June is…. “

“ The month of the Green Corn Moon, and July is the Ripe corn Moon… “

At her lengthy hesitation Michaela nodded, at her attempts to try to sort throughthe remaining months. “ August is “the end of the fruit Moon”; September, the Month of the Nut Moon. October is The Month of the Harvest Moon, November is The Month of the Trading Moon, and December is… ?

“ The Month of the Snow Moon! “ Mara replied shrilly, obviously happy to be at the end of the list.

" Very good, Sweetie! "

Mara sat back down in the passenger’s side of her bucket seat and began to play with the knitted string on her fingers. She seemed tired but happy and it brought a curios sense of relief and pleasure to Michaela, as if she had to measure her success by the child’s state of mind. At least till she got better equipped for the playing the role of ‘Mom’.

To her relief Auntie Grace took over as soon as they parked the car under the shed and walked into the air-conditioned house to escape the heat. The few days they had spent in Washington State would have seemed like a dream if it weren’t for the fact that she carried the cold with her, even during the hottest hours. She tried to resist Auntie Grace’s demand she lie down until dinner was ready but she was profoundly asleep on her bed in a darkened room when the older woman shook her shoulder enough to rouse her.

“ You got a phone call from your Ex, Mya. “

“ Hello? “

“ Are you drunk? “ Tony Padgett’s voice challenged her and Michaela forced herself upright, pushing her legs over the bed, struggling to wake up.

“ No, I was just asleep when you called. “

“ It’s only six fifteen! “

“ Thank you Tony, but we have electricity and digital clocks in Oklahoma, and you forgot the time zone difference. What’s up? “

“ You are, you silly…are you awake? “

“ I am now. “ She agreed, unable to keep the disappointment out of her voice.

“ Don’t call me at work any more. “

“ I don’t have any reason to call you anymore anywhere, Tony! “ She snapped.

“ Oh! “ He said archly after a silence so long she’d begun to wonder if he’d hung up, except for the absence of a dial tone. “ I was only good till you got there with your love Bill Beckner! What a damn fool I was. :”

“ No, but you’re being a pretty good one now! Bill isn’t even here. And please try to temper you hurt little tootoo of yours! Please remember that it was YOU who suggested I leave, who gave me the means, the reason, the place to go! ”

“ Okay, okay! So I have a stupid way of showing you how crazy mad in love with you I am! “

“ Don’t play me, Tony. It’ll take me a little time but I’ll get your money paid back to you…. “

“ Don’t be silly, I was simply retuning the money you paid me for the house. Michaela, what do I have to do to prove to you that I love you?! I want to come out there and be with you and Mara, My… “

“ No! Absolutely not! “

“ I beg your pardon? “

“ Clean the wax out of your ears, Tony, I didn’t stutter. You were dating my sister when I met you, you’re ‘dating’ Bill’s kid sister, and only Heaven knows how many others you’ve shown your “magnificent etchings” too! “

“ Two of them are genuine Rembrandts! “

“ Yeah, but who gets to stay on their feet long enough to notice the color in them when you hang them in your bedroom. “

“ I didn’t call you to be abused, My! “

“ And I didn’t answer your call to be abused, so unless there’s a reason for this… “ She sighed heavily, wishing she could slither through the phone lines and emerge in his arms, begging him to kiss her and fill the emptiness that was pushing her down like a landslide of granite boulders as the timbre of his voice reawakened so many pleasurable memories of the early years of their marriage.

“ That was when I didn’t know the FBI called off the search! It’s over, My. They’ve closed the case. You’re free to come home….to come home…to me, Michaela. “

Her heart wrenched in place but she forbid the fresh sense of ache.

“ It’s over? “

“ They’ve closed it as a murder-suicide. But they’ve closed it, that’s the important thing. You’re no longer in danger and you don’t have to hide any more. I can be there in twelve hours, My. We’ll get married again, even in a Cherokee wedding ceremony, if that’s what you want? “ He coaxed, gaining confidence at her long silence.

“ It’s what I wanted Tony. And I’m grateful you told me, even if you had to wake me to do it. But you don’t want what I’ve become in your absence! “

“ It’s been a day and a half, My! There’s no need to get all melodramatic about it! I ain’t Bogie and you can’t Lauren Bacall. ."

“ My, are you still there? “ He asked at last, ashamed by the soft sobs he heard over the line. “ I’m not perfect, but I want to start over. Can’t we at least try? Or do you have too much invested in Bill Beckner to…My? My? “ It took him several seconds of listening ot the dial tone before he could bring himself to close the connection on his end of the line.

Despite the chill air Michaela had to get from under the roof and feel the openness surround her, absorbing her into the dark rhythms of the night, the only unchanging thing she could imagine in her life. This was the house where she’d come to from the hospital after her mother gave birth, this was the yard she’d played in, dreamed in, first fallen in love in and now its familiar space closed her in and held her against her grief. While they’d been married for the first decade, Tony’s jealousy had been ‘proof ‘ that he loved her, now it only echoed her own insecurities and fears. She wasn’t old, but she was past young. Her sister’s growing daughter was now the child who would play her, grow up and met her first ‘boy’ here and begin to imagine what it might be like to be married and have a family of her own. She clung to the hope given her by the excellent reception she received this afternoon, but a part of her nagged that it would only last the six week trial, that she’d fail and be forced back out on her own again, even while her head argued that she’d held down responsible positions within the framework of her seventeen year military career. And it wasn’t because ‘she couldn’t get fired’ which had driven her as much as patriotism in the midst of a Cold War when she enlisted.

Here, with the stars pressing down on her like a crown of white jewels, she struggled with fresh feelings of helplessness and fear. She’d never been able to admit that she felt inferior to her younger sister. Colleen had found someone strong to love her, had a living child, a working marriage, a good life-at least on the outside. Could she allow what seemed to be negatives against them to spoil that image simply to make herself feel better? The thought repulsed her. The news that the FBI had closed the case slowly seeped in as if =one of the stars had been punctures and the chill of absolute zero in space began to creep in between her cells as she struggled against accepting such a cruel statement of belief against the warm and loving memories she had of her sister and brother-in-law.

“ I’m not a professional, Great One! What can I do to clear my sister’s name? “ She whispered against the breathing darkness as it ebbed and pulsed against her barred skin. “ Show me a sign! “

She waited until her bones inside her flesh were chilled but she neither saw nor heard anything that might give her hope. As she was about to turn around and go back into the house, a bird flew out of the bushes defining the side wall of the garden, flapping their wings in desperate silence, their tiny form black against the jeweled velvet of the night.

“ You just couldn’t leave well enough alone, could you? “ A woman’s voice

said coldly as she stood up from her stealthy approach in the dark.

Michaela’s first thought was Andrea Parker, the woman who’d attempted to attack her in the Seattle House, thinking that she’d kidnapped Mara and thrown her body into Skaget Bay to hide the evidence of murder, but it was NCIS Special Agent Helen Waite, holding a service revolved level with her belly!

Her mind replayed Auntie’s Grace’s words that Bill Beckner was supposed to have said before he left: “ She will follow”. But what good did that do her now?

End Chapter 11

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