Chapter 10

-

                Raymond Matthews was out of breath by the time he caught up with her, leaning on the fence with one hand while he struggled with an asthmatic wheeze but petting Charley’s head as the gangly pup rested his paws on the wire mesh, his tail rotating so rapidly it was a wonder if didn’t raise his rump airborne! After a few second he was able to raise his head and apologize.

            “  I wanted to talk with you in private.  “  He stopped, needing to reach into his pocket for his inhaler before he could get enough air into his lungs to breath.

            It shocked her to the core. It implied he was human and not a teacher!

            “ Mrs. Weinstead, Head of the English Department? Asked me to critique a short piece handed in by a student for the school paper. It was quite good. It was yours!  “ He added, seeing the denial and fear forming on her face.  “

            “  You’re very kind, Mister Matthews. I’m going to be a writer some day. I have to get Charley back in the car or I’ll be late for class; excuse me. “

            His hand reached out and grasped her bared arm, sending electric shocks through her that she’d only read about in cheap paperback novels.

            “  I don’t think they can start the class without me. I’ll walk you to the car. And you are you know. “

            “  Good? No!  “

            He grinned and glanced over at her briefly, seeing her struggle with absolute mortification at having been singled out for praise.

            “  A writer. One is…or one isn’t. It’s like being a little bit pregnant, you either are or you aren’t and given enough time for growth and pain, you birth something which stands apart from you for your lifetime and its. I liked it. Rough, of course. I was just going to suggest you take one of the Senior writing classes. “

            “  I’m not a senior. I just started as a part time student this year!  “ She stammered

in shock.

            Raymond Matthews chuckled and stuck his knuckles through the partially opened window as Charley whined softly under his breath and tried to turn around on the narrow car seat before he laid down again.

            “  Senior as in Senior Citizens. The classes are relaxed and they share a lot about their experiences growing up. While it’s a couple of generations removed from the era your chapter was dealing with, people remain pretty much the same-on the inside. And you’ll always find someone willing to be patient and really listen. That’s something that’s rare in younger people. No offense intended. “

            “  None taken.  “

            “  You should write what you know, or what interests you enough to learn about. Good. We’d better hurry or class will be late in starting! “

            Two of the younger men had snuck out as far as the front door to light cigarettes and puff at them nervously as they watched the teachers approach, not putting them out until the last possible moment. The bluish white smoke caused the man beside her to have a coughing spasm but to her shock he made no attempt to rebuke or harangue the woeful students, instead simply waiting until he could catch his breath before calling out the roll.

            When she got home she was shocked by the white cloth floating at the top of the over-running sink! She’d forgotten about soaking the mud out of her uniform! The black stopper had leaked a little, keeping the water cascading violently over the sides of the porcelain sink, keeping it to a mere trickle, but it still took twenty minutes to mop up all of the water sheen on the floor! A good two feet of the floor was also damp on either side of the door, so she used the mop to run over the living room to snare the dust bunnies and pick up at least some of the loose sand on the wood floor. It was a wonder there was any left on the beach for the tourists! She hung up the uniform to drip inside the tub, even though the entire floor was glistening and damp, and then she left the back door open to air out the house, noticing a vaguely ‘doggy’ smell that hadn’t really mattered before. By the moonlight she walked around with a bread wrapper and the well used pooper-scooper until the yard was empty of any tufts but the weeds that the push mower since rode over. A breeze raised up from the omnipresent Pacific, bringing the lingering smells of burnt wood and sea brine, the haunting odor of dried Eucalyptus leaves and the haunting echo of the night freight which had passed by while she was busy mopping indoors. An odd sense of peace gathered around her and her mind suggested that Diane Rodgers was seated beside her, just beyond her line of vision; a comforting, maternal form that added to her sense of comfort and belonging. Charley sniffed at the hard packed dirt and gravel she’d tossed over the fence, returning to her side to lean against her in welcomed warmth. 

            “  What am I going to do with you, Charley?  “  She sighed good naturedly, then stiffen as she remembered how many times her mother had said that about her or her brother! But the odd feeling passed, leaving its tender imprint of her over-extended mind.

            The faces f the people she’d met over the last nearly six months seemed to unravel out of order, showing how greatly her world had expanded in such a short time ‘on her own’.  And the quiet presence beside her seemed to be the center of it all.

            “ I had no idea you did the eye my mother wears, Di! I didn’t even realize she was wearing one; I though she’d just had a small stroke or something when she was in the hospital. Why do people do things like that to one another? To the people they love? I don’t get it. We need each other, you know?  “

            “ I know.”  The illusive specter seemed to agree, and the feeling of peacefulness increased as the weary young woman looked up at the One she sensed just yond the thick crystalline bowl of nighttime stars.

            “  You are there aren’t You?  “  She asked in growing confidence.

-

            The alarm woke her from a profound sleep the next morning. She didn’t even remember winding it but luckily she had, otherwise she wouldn’t have wakened until the sunlight did! Feeding Charley and vainly attempting to hurry him proved frustrating for them both but she didn’t have a choice. He’d run straight to the gravel-defined hole and began to paw at the dirt the moment she left him out in the back yard. There wouldn’t be time to make any real repairs until the weekend when the home improvement store would be open and she would have time to shop for some kind of ‘weed barrier’ to place under the top layer of gravel and dirt. She hated the thought of having to chain him up while she was gone all day! Pulling in the back she made sure his water bowl was full and what remained of the sliver of rawhide was available to him. Praying he wouldn’t start on the seat upholstery next, she nervously cranked down all four windows and raced inside.

            As luck would have it, the Supervisor marched out toward her angrily while she was allowing Charley to stretch his legs.

            “  Good-bye nursing school!  “  She said with a sinking heart. Just when things seemed to be working so well!

            But Mrs. Lockhart passed by her like she was standing still, grapping the ear of one of the uniformed lawn care men and pulling him back to the front of the building.

Trying not to relish someone else’s misfortune when it had been so close to being her own, Juliet hastily shoved the Spaniel her in car, locked it and sprinted toward the back patio before she could seen! As she paused under the air conditioning vent she nearly gagged at the overwhelming stench of damp steer manure! No wonder Tina Lockhart was so incensed! As soon as she used her key to open the back door her name was called out and she hastened to help. The non-ambulatory patients were being wheeled, two at a time into the living room where a din of protesting voices was raised in protest at the shocking alteration of their daily routine. She wasn’t even the one who brought in Charley. Someone else had seen him in the car and been able to reach in and unlock the door through the partially raised window. Part of her was grateful but the other part of her cowered in fear as the brown and white Spaniel raced to her in delight. It was one of those moments when her whole life flashed in front of her eyes!

            “  Pretty doggie! We used to have a dog! But that was before Stanley Junior was killed in the war.  “  A frail old voice said thoughtfully as the large puppy laid his head on her lap, seeming to sense it was all the weight the fragile old bones could bear.

            Tina Lockhart knelt on one knee and stroked the old woman’s shoulder as tears came to her eyes.

            “ His name is Charley, Mrs. Turner. “

            “  Charley? That’s a nice name. Can I go home now? I’m tired?  “

            “  Of course. We’ll have a cot set up for you away from the sun. You can nap there for as long as you like.  “

            “  Just till Stanley comes to get me. He’ll be here any time you know?  “

            “  I know. “  Lockhart agreed softly, looking up at Juliet with a smile.

            “  Can Charley stay with me?  “

            “  Can he, Pasquale? “

            “  I wouldn’t have it any other way, Mrs. Lockhart. “ 

            Tina’s lower lip quivered. It was the first time the frail old woman had spoken since her husband died in Nineteen fifty six. 

            “  Can I take him home with me when I leave for the night, Mrs. Lockhart? “

            “  Only if you don’t mind bringing him in for a couple of hours tomorrow. I know its your day off. I can pay you of course.  “

            “  Just seeing so many happy faces is payment enough. But I’ll have the fence fixed by Monday, I promise!  “

            “  I’m afraid it’s too late for that, Lockhart. “  She said in mock anger, watching the smiling faces as the older people reached out and snapped their fingers, attempting to draw the happy puppy’s attention, at least for a few minutes.  “  He’s already got seventeen grandparents. But why not leave him here with us while you fix the fence? I can have Harry help you with that if you want? “

            “  I think I need it desperately!  “

            “  So do they, Lockhart. I’m surprised I didn’t notice it before. “

            When she dropped off the Spaniel the next morning, she left with the sinking feeling that a hole had been tore in her heart wide enough to sail the Q.E. II through without touching sides! But while they were at the department store, Lionel Lockhart stopped at the pet department to ask her help in selecting two canary pairs and three pairs of parakeets, although truthfully they all looked the same to her she attempted to oblique.

The boxes of cages, bird seed, gravel paper and the like were packed in the trunk and the back seat of the Lincoln, while she held the cardboard banana crate filled with small cardboard boxes of tweeting creatures and tiny hops and chirps. Dropping her off to help with setting up the equipment while the residents napped away the heat of the day on the covered patio while the handyman set new fence posts in the back yard, she was exhausted to the point of being snappish by the time she was finally free to wave goodbye to the worried faces behind their bedroom windows so she could reclaim her dog and drive home! She almost went through a stop sign without even noticing it she was so tired, so when she saw the blinking light on her answering machine she had to fight herself not to simply press the delete button and just fall down across the bed and sleep for a million years!

            It was her mother. Her voice hard with rage. Rhonda had left with only a note apologizing and saying goodbye, even though she had less than two and a half months till the baby arrived. Obviously she held her personally responsible for her friend’s lack of gratitude, she got that. Rewinding the tape, she pressed the delete message button until she heard the disembodied voice say: ”Message deleted. You have no unheard messages” and she nodded, as though acknowledging a living person.

            “  So now we know.  “ She said with a sigh as Charley scratched anxiously at the back door, his hind end wiggling in anticipation of the bolt across the lawn to the hole he expected to find in the fence. He stopped short almost upending himself as he approached the thin gray line of setting cement with his hackles raised.

            Juliet watched until she was sure he wouldn’t begin to dig in the quick setting cement before it dried, then she whistled for him and waved the new ‘bone’ in the air for him to see. With a sharp yelp of excitement he ran to her and began to spring up in the air as high as he could reach, seizing the hard won prize and running to a small, brightly painted doghouse that she hadn’t even noticed until that moment!

            “  Boy am I glad I cleaned the yard when I did!  “  She whispered under her breath as the brown and white puppy trotted inside the spacious house and turned around three times before he laid down on the worn, familiar towel to hold the rawhide ‘bone’ in place between his paws as he began to gnaw at one of the knotted ends of the chew toy.

            “  Stay well, Girlfriend!  “  Diane Rodger’s seemed to say and she turned and faded into nothingness.

            Juliet felt a prickle of loss as she realized all of the dreams and plans she’d fashioned when she first moved here as an untried girl almost six months ago. She’d ask around later to see who to thank for the new dog house. It would make it much easier when she had to leave him home at night while she attended school. It seemed like she was going to have three years of that ahead of her. Turning slowly she braced the door so the pup could in when he wanted too, she drifted back into the kitchenette to put on some hot water for instant coffee. The sun catcher reflected the early afternoon sunlight in a gentle way but nothing rose up to add sorrow to its graceful promise of a year round garden of iris no matter how wet and stormy the winter on the ocean might prove to be.

She’d just sat down on the couch with a sandwich when there was a knock on the door. She sighed deeply and set the plate down. She already knew who it was.

            She and Rhonda embraced.

            “  I talked to Father Paul. He said if I could get a ride up there, I can stay with him and Celine even after the baby comes. Who knows more about taking care of babies, right?  When you’d get the new t.v?  “

            “  Last week. And a new dresser. You know Mom’s mouth! She made a remark about that ratty old thing the landlord left for a ‘furnished’ apartment and I snapped back about Saint Vincent de Paul not having one yet that I liked, and when the truck delivered the new television set, color thank you very much, that she talked me into buying on the installment plan, the new dresser came with it. The invoice was marked ‘paid in full. Look at me, I owe money, Ronnie, I’m an adult! “  She added ruefully. “ You know she means well; she’s just set in her ways.  “

            “  I know she does. I just realized that I’m going to the mother now, you know? I’ve signed up for computer programming class at UC Berkeley in the Fall…. it’s not like I’m every going to get rich or anything but computers are just something I like. Something that I’m good at, you know? “

            They hugged a second time shyly as Juliet offered the sandwich to her friend, who was eyeing it like a thirsty man seeing a mirage become real before their eyes. She would have thought she was too exhausted to put one foot in front of the other, but after they’d eaten, she called her Mom to tell her Rhonda was all right, that she was going to live a missionary couple, but careful not to say who or where, then as soon as she grapped the car keys Charley leaped to his feet from a sound sleep and began to dance around her feet. It suddenly seemed important not to delay her friend’s peace any longer than necessary.

            It was so late at night by the time the prayer meeting ended that Juliet gratefully accepted the offer to ‘crash’ on the Lassiter’s front room couch rather than risk the nearly two hour drive home in the dark. As still as the house became she simply couldn’t sleep.

The mournful low of the fog horn further up the Golden Gate basin kept shaking her by the shoulder and calling her from Beasley’s starched Victorian world to the world of civil right protests, struggles again further involvement in the Viet Nam world, the struggle for equal rights as two generations faced one another in such an adversarial manner, like her and her Mom or her Mom and Rhonda, so close together in time and so far apart in spirit!

Padding out to the front porch she wrapped the homemade quilt around her shoulders. Sinking down into the wicker chair she thought about the stories Celine told around the dinner table tonight about her loving upbringing in Appalachia. It was so different from the stereotypes of hillbillies and moonshine she’d always had that it embarrassed her to realize how little she knew about her own country! Her own Century!

            The fog crept up the hill, house front by house front.  She shivered in the additional layers of cold the fog tendrils pushed ahead of their silent passage until the house immediately in front of her disappeared into the thick, damp blanket of gray and a third foghorn sounded, perilous close, this time from the base of the Golden Gate Bridge.

As she forced her cramped legs to unbend and bear her weight long enough for her to tip toe back into the gracious foyer of a previous generation, she watch Beasley disappear through the servant’s door at the end of the narrow hall. There would be time to follow her on another day. Right now, at this moment, she just wanted to write about the girl she saw in Josh’s painting. Her, but not her. Just distant enough to allow the freedom of creativity to take hold and delight her senses with things she wouldn’t have done in her own life. Borrowing some of Rhonda’s strength of character and her own view of how she wished her life could have been.  She couldn’t remember whether she’d heard it somewhere, or read it somewhere, but a novella just gad to be seventy-five pages long! Anything longer was a short novel. All she had to do was to write eighty pages of ‘Sunshine’ and she’d have her first novel! Maybe she’d put a cat in it, instead of a dog. Or, maybe not….she mused happily, padding into the empty kitchen where a low light was always left on since they never knew when a knock on the door would bring some unhappy, drugged up soul seeking acceptance…and a hot bowl of soup!

            With growing excitement, she rummaged under the pile of clothing she’d discarded last night until she found her clipboard with its fresh sheath of college lined papers, and a few moments later triumphantly located the inexpensive BIC pen in her cluttered purse. Making sure the unused portion of the ink was black and the tip was ‘fine’ rather than ‘medium’, she hastily wrote, “ Chapter underline Notes. Using the pencil to etch a distinguished Roman numeral one before discarding the yellow pencil as if the use of graphitic might strip her mind of the killer opening line for her first Best Seller. She frowned in concentration as she attempted to reassemble the thought her subconscious had gracefully offered to her:

            “ Of the three apartments within her price range, escalating in price by their proximity to the municipal beach, the only thing she could clearly remember was that they all smelled badly of leaking natural gas with the pilots turned off while unoccupied; to keep out the transients who clung on the periphery of the bridge and its summer rental units.  “ And so her career as a Writer ended; while her career as an Author began in earnest.

-

-