Chapter 9

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            There was a sudden silence in the crowded room as she walked in. But she pressed her spiral notebook closer to her chest and emptied her face, refusing to engage in any attempt to illicit details from the strange girls’ faces. It was like being in High School again, but turned inside out. At lunch she was called to the office by the Manager but she declined the offer to go home early. It helped to be around others. When she arrived home there was a small piece of paper wedged in her front door asking him to come down to City Hall. She let Charley out to the back; apparently the boys hadn’t wanted to keep him while she was gone after all, but she left the door open so he could come in on his own while she was on the phone and not scratch at the door.  It was intimidating to be given a visitor’s pass and ushered past the sign ‘Authorized personnel only.’ She was relieved when the balding man with a paunch told her not to talk with reporters until the Grand Jury could be convened. But when she stepped back into the Council Chambers, the room was filled with photograph equipment and well-dressed people with microphones who seemed eager to allow her to pass as they could surround and contain the man who’d been talking to her. That night she watched the evening news, shocked by the photographs of the familiar house and both pleased that she’d hadn’t gotten on camera even once and oddly; feeling left out that she hadn’t been important enough to even allow her to say she wasn’t allowed to say anything!  

            Early Saturday morning she woke to the alarm with a start, struggling ot remember what day it was and what obligations she had to fulfill. Eating a quick meal while Charley consumed the entire can of dog food, she slipped on his leash and grapped the small container of flea and tick powder she’d purchased but never used. Taking the short cut to Davenport and the cement plant, she rolled down her window despite the cold fog rising off the turquoise and gold water to her left, allowing all thoughts to drain out behind her for the first hour of the drive north to San Francisco. She panicked a little as the gas tank edged toward ‘e’ for empty and she couldn’t find any of the street corners with gas stations on them she remembered seeing almost everywhere when she rode with her parents, but when she stumbled across the Castro District and found a gas pump open she gunned the motor and closeted up the slight incline, the front wheels causing a distinct ‘ping’ inside the cavernous auto repair bay. The gasoline was almost a dollar a gallon and it took twenty-four gallons to fill the tank, but she was hardly in a potion to argue with the man in the uniform who walked out, smearing the grease on his hands as he ambled toward her as if he didn’t care if she was a customer or not. Nothing like the Texaco station people who sprinted out with huge smiles on their faces. She even had to ask him twice to check the car’s oil, and seeing that it was low had to make a point of asking him to fill it “please!’ She was about to get out of the car and wash her own windshields when he stilled her with a fierce look.

            As he handed her her change she felt the slickness of the red motor oil on it and simply dropped it to the bottom of her open purse.

            “  Next time drive into the Full Service lane, lady!  “  He sneered.       

            “  You’re assuming there’ll be a next time!  “ She snapped.

            He shrugged as if it didn’t matter to him one way or the other, and having a convenient target for the angers and fears locked inside her seemed to help diffuse her struggling emotions. She found her way to the Panhandle above Golden Gate Park because it was flat once she reached the bottom of Stanyon Street and the car still stalled when she got caught facing almost straight up midway on any one of the seven steep hills that made up The City. When he heard two dogs barking as they played on the grassy divide between the two busy streets, Charley leaped up from his sleeping place in the well of the passenger’s side of the car and she simply pulled off in a nondescript little neighborhood of shoulder to shoulder Victorian houses so they could both get out of the car and stretch their legs.

            Putting change into the parking meter, she gripped Charley’s leash as three long haired unkempt men drifted toward her, demanding change as if she were obliged to give it to them because she was near her car. The old panic at being alone and vulnerable rose up and choked her into silence and before she could even decide whether to stand her ground or flee they ‘flipped her off’ rudely and drifted past her, their contemptuous laughter shutting her out even before she could acknowledge her secret reason for driving this far north. It wasn’t nearly as kind or as pretty as the songs made it out to be! Charley lifted his legs and squirted on the warm tire. It was all she could do to control the nauseating wave of physical violence that swept over her, leaving her shaken to the core and trembling violently. A middle-aged man in a causal suit hastened to her.

            “  Are you alright, Miss? Did they hurt you?  “

            “  They killed him! “  She wailed. “  They nailed him to a tree!  “  She struggled to get free of his hands and gentle embrace as he pulled her near and attempted to soothe her.

            “  He died for our sins, Sweetheart. He did it because He loved us so much that he wanted too. Shush, shush, don’t cry little one! Come sit down!  “

            She followed him because she suddenly didn’t want to be alone any longer. Being alone hurt! It was frightening! “

            “  Not Jesus, Joshua!  “  She protested through her tears and by the time she finally had her emotions under control and the miscommunication settled, Charley was leaned hard against her knee, panting with exertion while the butterflies he had been chasing continued to flit though the air in fierce battles of their own.

            “  Are you a priest, Father Paul?  “

            “  I used to be, until I came to be at odds with the Mother Church about celibacy. I withdrew, finished my degree and became an Episcopal priest. I’m happily married now with three girls and two boys and a wife who keeps well grounded away from my own conceits. “  He laughed gently. “  She’s the absolute joy of my life. Perhaps some day you can meet her?  “

            “  I’d like that. But I think I’d better go. I’m getting hungry and it’s a long drive home. “

            He levered himself to his feet and then reached down to offer her a hand up. She accepted it shyly. A priest who could marry and talk about his wife and kids with such affection was still new to her and his good looks made her a little self conscious of the un-churchly emotions that were stirring up in her! He seemed used to it and that helped her to overcome her sudden shyness. He put two quarters in the meter in front of her car and then took Charley’s leash from her hand.

            “  My parish isn’t fancy, it used to be a commune and frankly we leave it that way because so many of our ‘parishioners’ are street kids, but we have showers, clean mattresses and lots of good, plain food. I think we can even rustle something up for Charley to eat!  “

            Hearing his name, the gambling puppy looked up and wagged the stump of his tail in delight.

            “  Celine Dear. Do we have any soup bones left in the refrigerator? “

            “  I think we can come up with something better than that for her to eat, Dear. “  The plump, diminutive woman said with a breathtaking smile as she straightened with an effort and reached out her hand to seize Juliet’s and draw her near for a kiss on the cheek.

            “  No, it’s for Charley. “

            “  The dog! “  She responded, with unfeigned relief and laughed, drawing the lonely girl in as nothing else could have done.

            She couldn’t have imagine too such radically opposite people coming together in such a cheerful union of give-and-take as the married priest and his plump wife but by the time she was ready to go, it was as if she had been born into their family; and Celine sent him home with a basket of fresh vegetables and two home baked loaves of yeast bread in exchange for the promise to return next month for their Community Communion pot luck. It was just turning dark as she drove up to her cottage. A figure stood up warily.

            “  You have every reason to hate me, Jewel. But I’m scared and I have no place else to go. You’re the closest thing I have to family! “  She sobbed, as if her heart would break.

            Charley pushed his way past her as soon as she turned off the ignition and opened the door, racing up to the heavily pregnant teen as if being reunited with his long friend.

Rhonda bent down and welcomed him into her arms. Laughing as she had to twist her head from side to side to avoid his damp tongue on her cheek. The smile left her eyes as her former friend approached warily. Then a stone rolled away from her heart and Juliet opened her arms. How could she not share what had just been offered to her?

            “  On Ronnie! You know you’re always welcome! Even if you are a brat! You’ll have to use paper towels in the bathroom; I never got around to replacing the hand towels!  “

            With a glad cry Rhonda struggled to her feet and ran to her, almost knocking her down.

            “  You won’t be sorry! You won’t be sorry! “  She promised.

            “  I don’t have any cigarettes!  “

            “  I had to give them up. They went up to thirty-five cents a pack, and besides, they’re bad for the baby. “  She loving rubbed in a circle around the distinctive knob under the twenty-year old maternity blouse. 

            As Rhonda hesitantly reviewed some of the difficult things that had been happening in her life, Juliet sliced half of the freshly baked rye loaf and slipped the remainder in one of the plastic bread sleeves she’d saved. They were cheaper than buying sandwich bags to hold Charley’s poop once she’d policed the back yard.

            “  Mom’s going to spend the night.  “

            “  I’d better go. I can find some place to sleep. Maybe under the bridge?  “

            “  Don’t! I asked her to come. I didn’t know you were going to be here and I just didn’t want to be alone. Maybe I can catch her before she leaves work and save her a trip? “

            To her intense relief her Mom didn’t even seemed surprised to see Rhonda seated on the couch. By the time Johnny Carson came on with The Tonight Show, they were all snuggle under one blanket on the couch while Charley lay to one side, with only his head and front shoulders protected by the worn towel that had been his bed when he first arrived. Since none of them went to Church on Sunday, they rinsed out the popcorn bowl and set it to dry in the strainer. Wrapping themselves in their coats since the nights grew unexpectedly chilling by the sea once the sun went down, they drifted down the hill toward the brilliantly colored lights and the sounds of music and laughter coming from the Mexican restaurant at the bottom of the hill. ‘Treating’ them to a late night snack that left Juliet waddling almost as badly as Rhonda as they walked linked arm in arm with Fran Pasquale in the middle, they drifted down the empty beach. The fire pits filled with logs floated in from the last storm were now smoky embers, adding a unique odor to the

still, dark sky oppressed down against them like a second skin. The multitude of sparkling orbs seemed to be no more than a silken net within fingertip reach, glistened with raw diamonds of varying size and the outgoing tide revealed low, slick rocks and tidal pools where the moon stood motionless in a hundred different forms as well as the slowly silvered orb directly overhead. 

            “  You were always ‘Daddy’s girl’, Baby. “  She confided with great reluctance.

“  How could I possibly tell you something like that happened? Besides, we were both drinking, and when push comes to shove, I was giving as good as I was getting, but then the eye got infected and I…..I guess it’s a back handed compliment that no one can tell it’s a glass eyes, Diane was really a craftsman! “

            Juliet didn’t know how to answer, so she simply leaned her head on her mom’s arm, feeling a sense of connection she hadn’t dreamed could exist. She’d never seen it in any of her friend’s families, certainly not Rhonda’s or her own; but having spent even a short time in the presence of two people who genuinely cared about one another, fights, flaws and all had opened her eyes to a world she longed for all three of them to share. No, her Dad and Andy too, even though she knew now, they’d never be united under one roof again, even in the pretense of a family again; and oddly, she was okay with that since he couldn’t do anything to change it. It was what it was. Her parents were real people, not cut-out dolls.

            “  Oh! I almost forgot. Nana called because you weren’t home and your message machine is full. She says to tell you she loves you but not to come out. I think he’s in hog heaven now that she’s finally got her son and her grandson to herself! I’m sorry! That was rude!  “

            “  It’s true though.  “  She agreed with a shrug of her shoulders. “ And I’ll bet we’ll find these room left on the answering machine when we get home?  She wanted to make sure we both got the message, you know? “

            Fran pulled back slightly and arched one eyebrow playfully.

            “  Who are you and what have you done with my daughter Juliet?  “  Love and regret softened her face.

            Juliet smiled.

            “  Oh, and you know what else? “ Rhonda demanded, embarrassed at intruding on such a personal family moment. “  Remember that first painting of you Josh Hamilton did? The one that was sold for nine hundred dollars?  “

            “  I wish I could forget it. “

            Both women turned and looked at her quizzically.

            “ Since he only got to paint twenty of them it sold at auction this afternoon for twelve thousand dollars and I saw it was listed for sale on the Internet for a cool thirty thousand! But I don’t know if anybody’s bought it yet or not?  “

            “  You know computers and the Internet?  “

            Rhonda blushed and shrugged happily.

            “  I never fit in, so I studied electronics so I could go into the military, you know. I guess that’ll have to wait about eighteen years now, huh?  “

            Laughter bubbled from all three of them as the slow shift in tide forced them back from the worn rock lip to the dampened sand. Charley walked slowly at her side, he was too heavy to pick up and carry up Depot Hill any longer, but as she kept yawning, fighting to stay awake in the comfortable darkness and silence of the sleeping resort town she envied him a little. Rhonda wouldn’t fit on the couch for the night, even if she offered, and she could hardly ask her mother to sleep on it. But happily, she went to sleep so quickly after the hot shower once it was her turn, she could have slept on the trial rocks and not have known it!

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            “  You walked away with a strange man and let the public area with him? I thought I taught you better than that! Rhonda, you tell her how dangerous that is! “

            “  I would, but I know Father Paul. And besides, looked what almost happened when she was just coming home!  “

            “  Oh that’s reassuring! “

            “  If you’re that worried, why don’t you move in with us, Fanny?  “

            “  Oh I’m sure my daughter would love that!  “  Fran Pasquale said sharply. But at the silence she turned around and found both young women looking at her in frank interest.

            “  Parts of me would live it. Frankly. But I have a job over the hill and it appears that you and Juliet are doing a decent job of making a life for yourselves over her without my interference. “

            “  Yeah sure, that’s why I got knocked up!  “

            “  THAT’S not why you got knocked up. Didn’t your mother ever have ‘that talk’ with you, my dear? But seriously. I know you can’t stay here, the landlord was clear about the rent he’d charge for this dump if you had a roommate, Juliet Dear. But if you love electronics, why not continue your studies, or go to work in Silicon Valley once you have the baby? Even entry-level workers get a decent wage and some places have day care on site simply to keep their good workers. You don’t have to live on Welfare for the rest of your life, Honey! In fact, if Juliet could bear to be part with you, Hank and I have a spare bedroom in the Condo, and I could use your help in my office till you have to quit, and I can be a job reference for you, if you want? “ She added, seeing the struggle on the dark haired girl’s face. “  It’s not like your going to steal him from me! If you want him, I’ll give him to you! “ 

            “  Fran. Mrs. P! You don’t have to put yourself out for me!  “

            “  I think I have to for someone, and my Baby isn’t a baby any more. “  She added wistfully. She smiled tenderly at Juliet as the teen struggled to comprehend the fast moving turn of events.

            “  But I told Jewel I’d help her!  “

            “  Help me too, Sweetie. Then together, we can be a support for your little one and mine too. What do you think, Baby?  “

            “ I’m not quite sure what to think, Mom. But it seems like it’d be a good thing for Ronnie and the Baby, but what about Frank?  “

            “ Huh! “  The older woman responded with a dismissive wave of her hand. “ He promised me he wouldn’t start drinking again! I’ve already lived with one alcoholic, I’m in no hurry to set myself up to support another one!  “

            “  Mrs. P? Why don’t we just try it out? No promises! Nobody’s feelings get hurt it if doesn’t work out. Jewel, what do you think?  “

            “  It sounds like a plan. I just wished you guys lived closer. I’m going to have to look for a new babysitter for Charley!  “

            As if on cue, the Spaniel began to bark loudly from the back yard. The Lund’s were giving up their rental early because of the terrible tragedy that had happened and the realization of how lose it had come to them with the brief attack on her that Charley thwarted. Both boys were leaned over the fence patting the burly young dog, with tears streaming down their faces.

            “  What a lovely sun catcher! Is it new?  “  Her mother’s voice surprised her, being so close when she hadn’t heard her walk up.

            “  No. It was a housewarming gift from Diane before she got killed. “

            “  Well, she certainly couldn’t have given it to you after she was killed!  “  Then she winced. “  Sorry, old habits die hard. I won’t take your friend away if you need her more?  “

            “  You can offer her and the baby a lot more than I can, Mother. “

            “  She’s not replacing you as my daughter you know. I’m just adding to the family. “

            “  I know. “  Juliet sobbed, turning around to grasp her mother’s waist possessively as tears scalded her cheeks without warning. “  I miss her so much. “

            “  I’ll try to be as good a friend, Honey Bee. It may take practice, but I promise I’ll try! Who’s up for strawberry and whipped cream pancakes at IHOP before the Church crowd descends? “  Fran Pasquale called in aloud voice. They snuck out and locked the front door quietly, using her mother’s car so the dog wouldn’t guess he was alone at the house again.

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            When she was called out of class Monday she expected to be shunned or ignore by the other eleven girls in class but instead was drawn into their group with unspoken empathy. She wanted to shut them out, keep her distance, because everyone she’d ever trusted had either left her life or pushed her away but the smiles in her direction, the quiet manner in which she was invited into their conversations and self-quizzes about the material they were going to be tested on sealed over the gaping hole and held tighter as she passed, even having missed the only section on bathing which she had answered correctly, remembering her day at Golden Oaks. Wednesday she drove up the winding hill in search of the parking lot by the severely one story enclave of cinder block buildings at the rear of the campus rather than have to rub across the Student Quad. It was only two buildings away from the Annex where the night school secretarial classes were being held this semester. Because she’d quit the Art Appreciation Class on the first night, unnerved by the unwanted attention given to her as the morbid subject of interest from Josh Hamilton’s painting “Sunshine on the beach” and the headlines from his murderer’s impending trial, there weren’t any marks against her as an ‘unfinished’ or dropped class. Because the Annex building was so near her Nursing Studies classroom she signed up for the typing classes she’d made a point of honor to refuse while she was in High School. Her Mom had made her feel that if she couldn’t be somebody’s secretary she’d never rise to anything in her life. Working in a part time fast food restaurant where her chief duty was to make change and ask “Do you want fries with that?’ helped her see the logic of being better prepared but it wasn’t until she saw how limited classes were to take once the school year started, it’d been an easy choice. Writer-good at typing. Made sense to her; so she swallowed her pride and joined thirty five other hopefuls who slipped over the plastic cover of their dinosaur sized electronic machines and began to manipulate their fingers separate from what they could see by watching them hunt and peck the way she was accustomed too. As soon as class was over she stood up robotically, replaced the flimsy silver cover and fled for her car. Charley was home alone!

             Thursday, with only one day left until the freedom of the weekend, she’d be lured into complacency by how well classes went at Gaither Manor as they discussed checking the labels for medications, even though this was beyond their actual duties. She slipped Charley out the back door and just barely had time to make it to he bathroom. She’d never been a heavy coffee drinker but two their fifteen minute breaks had become life preservers in an increasing threatening sea of knowledge and you either drank coffee squeezed into the tiny break room or you smoked, and if she started to smoke, because she could afford the rapidly escalating vice now, she’d be about the biggest hypocrite on earth that she could imagine! She became concerned when he didn’t back inside to greet her as he usually did, but her fear didn’t start until she walked to the partially opened door, expecting to see him in the small fenced lot and he wasn’t there! A thousand needles of fear and accusations stabbed at her while she raced to the front door and flung it open ready to scream his name at the top of her lungs, ready to see his lifeless body lying on the small strip of paved road between the blocks of houses and the raised mound

of the Eucalyptus defined railroad track.

            As soon as he opened the door he flung himself on her, his muddy paws staining the white cloth brown with the mud from his paws! As relieved as she was, to see he was safe, she barely had enough time to let him out while she changed clothes and made a quick sandwich. Now she couldn’t do that either! Shutting the door and scolding him to no effect, she ran into the bathroom and slipped the ruined uniform over her head, running cold water into the sink; hoping the old fashioned black stopper would work-just this one time, then she nearly tripped over him as she ran into her bedroom, pulling off the sensible white oxfords as she hopped from one foot to the other, surprised at how slippery the pantyhose were on the bare wood, so she could slip on the trim and uselessly decorate sandals for her class at the University.

            She stepped carefully from weed clump to weed clump, seeing how she was going to be spending Saturday morning! Mowing and picking up dog poop! The hole he’d dug under the low wire fence into the graveled alleyway was too deep to fill in and anything she used to cover it would simply allow him to jump up on it and get out anyhow! She gave a sigh, with a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She’d have to leave him in the house tomorrow and drive here on her lunch break to let him out! She simply didn’t have the time to do anything else right now, and the weight of this added responsibility drove all the joy from the marrow of her bones. She picked him up bodily and placed him in the kitchenette sink and used the free running warm water to wash the mud from the long hairs between his toes, the length of his ragged nails taking her by surprise. He struggled to get free as her arms closed around him to put him back on the linoleum and he shook himself violently, with the damp hair clumping on either side of his body in dreadlocks. She began to laugh, sharply, almost hysterically, but as the dam of pent up emotions burst, the laughter gentled and became tender. She rolled down the window, tossed him the last three-quarter inch of his rawhide ‘bone’ then ran to class, arriving just as the discrete bell sounded, out of breath and smelling distinctly of dog and nervousness. But on time for roll call.

            At their break, she wandered over to the car with a moment’s anxiousness at how empty it looked, but as soon as he heard her footsteps Charley’s head popped up from the passenger side well, followed by the rest of his body, which quivered with need and the excitement of seeing her. She had to pull sharply on his leash and keep on walking to get him to the line of weeds growing along the mesh fence but the instant the pressure on his collar released, he hiked his leg, preferring to do his five minutes of sniffing and signaling while she stood there trying to pretend he wasn’t doing what he was doing. She just had time to push him back in the car, despite his howl, and arrive at the door of the classroom just as the instructor was looking around marking attendance. Some of the students left at first break so there wouldn’t be a mark against them for not attending class, but without having to stay the full two hours.

            During her lunch break she usually studied but this time she snapped the leash back on the moving target as he leaped toward freedom, and they walked quite a distance into the forest which had remained uncut once the site had been defined. The late afternoon sunlight filtered through the empty spaces between the giant trees where only luxuriant ferns and a few hearty saplings survived in the short period sunlight could reach the ground even in summer. It was hard to believe that it was eight thirty at night and the sky was only now turning its chrematistic hues of dusk!

             Although they called each other by their last names at the Manor when she’d paused after saying “Juel” wondering if she should shorten it to Julie or keep the full pronounciation her mother demanded from childhood on, she’d been stuck with the nickname Jewel, and now she rather liked it; so when the strong male voice called “Jewel” in a friendly manner, she looked up in expectation. Her heart sunk. It was Mr. Mathews, her instructor! Either to chasten her about her near tardiness or to demand she take her dog home and leave him there! If she could have run away, she would have!

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