XII C K Apr- FP Second
hour of the day
780 AUC
Galilee
-
“ And I you. “ He answered with a smile and a
kiss on her cheek as if she were only a child!
She
reached up her arms and gasp him around the neck, bending him to her will as his arms slid around her slender waist and held
her near. He longed to kiss her in depth but she was too young to bear his flesh. Her shape burned within him, leaving a asymmetrical
hole even after she pulled away with a shy smile, trying not to take too great a notice of the speckled dog wedged between
their feet as he licked and gnawed at the torn leather scrap near his
big toe. There would never be anyone else able to fill in that space, he felt with profound regret, seeing too well the difference
in their ages, and yet he merely welcomed it as a portion of her forever locked inside his healing spirit.
“ Have you considered getting him a pair of worn sandals of his own? “
“ It would only encourage him, I fear. “ She said
with a mother’s sigh, endearing her more to him than she could even guess, even if she’d been looking up at him
to see it in his eyes. Even in her scolding of the mischievous dog that wiggled in a vain effort to get free, she had the
same peacefulness of her mother’s eldest son and he knew he would marry but he would never love as he did her. She desired
a youth and a family of her own. Things he couldn’t give her as a dead hero or a corpse nailed to a tree of Judean wood
as an enemy of Rome! But instead of running away, she merely shifted the dog’s weight and then back
to him, awaiting his permission to stay or leave.
“
You know, Heart of my hearts. “ He said softly, nuzzling the speckled dog and pretending he was speaking to it so that his tone might stay too low to carry to listening
ears, especially the handsome youth Judas Iscariot who was glaring daggers in their direction. “ The
seed so seldom bears any resemblance to the tree or the grown fruit, yet it contains all the elements of the next generation
to follow. If you remain true to what I see in your smile, in your trust, your insight into the good and bad of humanity and
still be able to trust that love will out, then I can only assume you will be the worthiest lily in all the fields!
“
Ahava blushed, caught between childhood and her dreams of a family of her own.
“ I would want to be a lily, for when it blooms the hunters can’t chase and kill rabbits,
the wondrous fragrance gives them shelter. Thank you, Centurion. “
“
Keep the name for the dog, if you must, but find another for me by the time I return, Dear Heart. “
He suggested with a roguish smile, hoping she would think he was only joking.
“ Thank you Marcus. I will give it all the weight it deserves. “
She said happily, stepping back from him before releasing the dog, as if to form a buffer between them!
But as he stepped away from her the smile slid from his face and he stepped into the role he must play as though he
were putting on physical amour to shield himself. With the bit of the last with bits of bone and metal embedded in the end
of each of the three lash ends, Coniah agreed to betray his leader in exchange for his life and the opportunity to take Barabbas’
position for himself, but a man who knew how much he owed to Rome could be manipulated, and as soon as the onerous task was
done and Barabbas removed from the father’s life and his considerations for the war expected against Rome, who would
not easily yield the golden harvest needed to feed the multitude under Rome’s arched banner.
Before nightfall, it was over. With an armed guard to carry the prisoner directly to the Antonia Fortress dungeon,
Machba`nel made camp and slept through the night, as if his life depended upon it.
His head pounded and it was difficult
to differentiate the words over the pounding of blood behind his eyes and the hissing sound of blood passing through his ears,
btu he maintain a rigid posture, as much like a statue as he could maintain, until he was alone in his barrack’s rooms
once again. Leaving on the table he hung his head over the pile of fresh straw and vomited till there wasn’t even bile
left to hurt his throat or sour his mouth. Kicking the damp straw into one pile, he pushed open the door to his sleeping quarters,
quickly enveloped in the closed in smells of the windowless room and he stretched toward the taunt leather bed with its fresh
linens and he closed his eyes hoping the pain would just leave him. Instead he had nightmares of being pushed back into the
water by Apulio, who was as strong as an ox and emerging from the water with his feet blackened and rotting once again. Finally
he slept, without relief, but without additional nightmare images.
He entered the streets of Jerusalem easily, feeling oddly without the weight of the leather trappings or the helmet
which had defined his world for last nine year, moving between the protesting bulks of road weary caravans managed to avoid
any one self-important enough to challenge their arrival without specific orders either to return or to be forced into service
as a part of the crowd control Pilate demanded of the marry holiday makers. He had to put off his mother’s questioning,
given Pilate’s growing uneasy at the numbers of people gathering to hear the insightful prophet, lest insight become
incitement to rebellion against Rome,
Shelomith
wept openly as she fell on his shoulder, but when her surprise ended, she gathered her wits and immediately began to rebuild
the parental wall of distain between them. For every two bricks she placed so expertly, he causally removed one, simply because
he could until ‘Shemi’ relented in her loneliness and welcomed her only living son back into her world.
“
I have a handful of months left of my tenure, Ima, but soon I’ll be free. It seems strange to me that the very
voices I sought to escape in my youth now come in the night to quiet me fears and offer me a hope and a future. “
“
I found the same thing true in my experience, Isaac. Each of us must find our own way back to the truth, or will ourselves
to turn our backs on it, which doesn’t lessen it, but us. “ She sighed wearily,
as if some final internal wall had fallen by that admittance of merely being human, but it drew him nearer to her in her vulnerability.
He witnessed the change in her eyes as she smiled, welcoming him as an equal for the first time in their lives.
“ There’s something I can’t help but wonder about, Ima. “ He
asked, against the shouts of his internal logic not to press too hard too soon.
“ What’s that? “ She demanded nervously,
savoring the bite of slightly over- ripe melon between
her teeth. It was their first moment without one of Ruben’s spies hanging over their shoulders in the guise of over
solicitous house servants.
He
caught himself starting to share his confusion of feelings with her, then he saw past her smile, remember that a thing said into her ear was speaking it to his father’s
mouth! She rolled around the mixture of sweet and sour on her tongue as her frown deepened in a vain attempt to force her
youngest son to speak his thoughts. Instead he simply rolled up the parchment and used it to rub at the edge of his teeth,
an irritating nervous habit he’d learned from his father, though she could remember little else of the man now. Still,
the thought was so sharp within him that he couldn’t help himself.
“
I can’t help but see my brother-in-law’s input in the tragedy of this near escape. They were a good people,
kind to us. More tolerant than most Jews toward us. “
“ Most Jews, Isaac? “ She asked in too precise
a fashion. “ Do you forget that we’re Jews likewise? “
“ Do we?
“
She
blanched violently and looked for a second as though she would reach over and slap him, but then a failed sadness came to
her eyes.
“ Perhaps we do, all the more reason to involve ourselves in a holiday with no religious implications,
isn’t it. “
“
Ima? “
“
What? “ Her voice was controlled but he knew her better,
“ I forgot myself.
I wound you with my own pain. Please forgive me and wipe that vicious remark from your mind. I was so wrong to have said it
to you, when I meant only to wound myself. “
Tears of gratitude and joy filled her eyes, and he could see by her relaxed pose he had been instantly and completely
forgiven.
You must be kinder to yourself in the future, Isaac. “
“ I’ll try Ima.
I promise that I’ll try! “
“
Isaac! Tell me truthfully what you think of the man from Nazareth? “
“ I think he’s
the most extraordinary general I’ve ever met. I think He has a sweetness of spirit that might sour quickly if it wasn’t
drawn from a living source from within his very self, and I think he is a dreamer who sees better in man than my jaded
eyes may see. “
“
You had me worried there for a minute. I’ve never heard you talk about a woman in such gracious
and flowing words. “
“
You’ve never heard me talk about a woman. You’re my mother. “
“ I
remember how you used to go on and on about Aurelia Leite. I thought her hair spun from the storm clouds and her feet encases
in the rarest of myrrh. “ She added a little laugh, to show she was speaking as one adult to another
though she gently mocked his younger self.
“ I still think so. Though by now she would have hair under her arms and probably across her
upper lip. “
“
She would not! “ Shelomith replied hotly; then saw the sadness his humor was attempting to
mask.
She stood to her feet unsteadily and cross the short distance to sit beside him. He moved back to allow her room on
the edge of the perfume-scented couch..
“
I will stop if it really annoys you. “
“ You wouldn’t be you if you weren’t trying to run my life, Ima. “
He
said without insult. She smiled tenderly and bushed back the hair on his forehead, staring intently at the pale indentation
that had so frightened her the first time she saw it. Until that moment she hadn’t understood how violent his chosen
world was, and how little hope she had that he would live to indulge in a moment like this.
“ Do you love
me, son? “
She held her breath
as she waited for him to answer, for she’d meant to ask if he hated her?
“
With all my heart, Ima. “
“
Then why do we do the things we do? If what everyone says is true, El Dhu Olam , returned you to me, and to Himself, doesn’t that mean I’ll lose you
again? I’ve lost so much already, your father, your brothers….our home….our name. “
He seized her
hand so quickly she winced and he loosened it instantly but held it near enough to feel the chill flesh take on the warmth
of his own.
“ You used to tell me that we hold the people we love in our hearts. That as long as we’re
alive, they’re alive. So how can you lose me? I’m right here. I’ll stay near as long as I have breath, and
beyond that isn’t mine to give, but I suspect I’ll be near you even then. “Debellare superbas et parcere
subjectis.”
“ I’m sorry, son, my Latin isn’t as good as yours or your…or as Xavier’s.
“
“
‘Cast down the haughty, spare the subjugated.’ I’ve in awe of you since
I was old enough to understand the power your love wields, and always with the best of others at the heart of it. You asked
me about the man Jesus? “
She winced.
“
I think He is a great deal like you, Ima. “
“ Or I like him. I have no right to be a king or possess a kingdom. “
“ Or you
like He. “ Machba`nel amended graciously, feeling the weight of the wine under
the water that he’d drunk all night in rare high spirits. “ In life, inside of man there is
a power for good and a power for evil, and I fear that I’ve too long stood on the sidelines and said it was another
man’s battle. I see His mother care for the poor and those I wouldn’t touch if my life depended on it, I see you
with your vast compassion for the nation, whom I would…you see what I mean? “
“ No.
“ She admitted. “ But it doesn’t matter. I believe in you whether
I under-stand your dreams or not. And I believe that if he does become king, you’ll be at his side, where you belong,
and I will have the whole world see in you what I see at this moment. “
“ You’re drunk. “
“ A
little. “ She admitted; smiling prettily and moving her hand beyond his reach,
growing serious, as she looked inward at a place where neither he nor Ezra nor even Xavier was ever invited to enter. “
But I’d rather lose you where I can see your face and spoil your children than I would to receive word that your
bones were buries on some distant field in a land whose name I can’t even pronounce, so if you must continue to be a soldier, I command you by your love for me, do it here! Where I can watch for you!
“
“
You’re wish is my vow, Ima. “ He said lightly and she slumped toward
himin an alarming manner, but her breath continued
to pass between her lips in a slow, even rate. She’d merely passed out in his arms.
One of his mother’s nameless house servants approached in a hesitant manner.
“ Young master
David has just returned from running away, adonai. Should I send him in or allow him to go straight to bed? “
“
Let him sleep. To rebuke him now would only add to his childish rebellion. “
The wearied warrior
said with a frown settled back between his brows. As Xavier’s strength waned, the boy’s rebellion grew, but he
was loathe to step in a surrogate father image. He wouldn’t admit it to either of them; and he seldom did even to himself, but he’s never liked the brash, arrogant youth,
from the beginning, and his secret preoccupation with sex stolen from a witless girl who still loved the youth she left behind
in Italia, whatever her ‘mature’ rationalizations with the great sea between themsimply added one more blight to the sullen youth’s sullied reputation as far
as he was concerned. Passing his mother to her aged maid, he kept silent as she sleepily protested and called his name between
yawns, certain that she wouldn’t remember the slight in the morning.
“
Oh, son, I almost forgot. I received a letter a letter from that red haired giant who’s so faithful to the prophet
Jesus’ younger sister? He says the man Zaavan has come out of his chambers and is prowling the house
in the pretense of being a loving spouse to the older
daughter Deborah and asks you to come speak with him. He fears he is being used by Evi and Rueben to attack the Nazarene from
within, and then be discarded as the useless toad
that he is. “
“
He knows how to write? I wouldn’t have thought it of him. He is more to feared than I thought. Still
he knows the ‘toad’ does business with us and might not harm his wife and son if he thought it would lose him
a portion of our commerce? “
“ But aside from that Isaac, why should we make that any business of ours? “
“ Because if this
Jesus of Nazareth succeeds, and becomes king, Ima, he’ll have the power to bless or to curse and there’ll be none
to stay his hand! “
“
But your sister Claudia is caught in the middle! He has to know how hard Rueben and Evi had been working against him!
“ The suddenly paled matron gasped.
“ And that is at the heart of my problem! “ He
agreed, speaking to her for once as another person and not the model of Roman Patrician that she tried to cast on others because
of the accident of her birth to Jewish parents in Italia-anything that wasn’t Rome. To
lighten the mood he tossed the twice-used paper on the brazier and resumed his place beside her, attempting to reopen their
conversation about the gifts she was gathering for Xavier and Claudia and the new baby girl.
Because
she lacked any certainty in where to direct her conversation until she’d had the time to think this through, she pretended to smile and to be amused at things which no
longer had any consequence in her life compared to their survival. There was always the chance that this rebellion would end
with the Nazarene dead on a Roman cross, so Zaavan had to be appeased and kept at a certain level of intimacy to protect her
granddaughter in the event of catastrophic failure of this noble plan. Her children were grown, they could make decisions
for themselves, but Claudia was a vain and flighty child, she’d take no thought for the heir of the man she loathed
with all her sighted being. It would have been better if the Nazarene hadn’t been so ‘kind’ to her family.
Machba`nel would be honored now as a valiant soldier, not a traitor, and Claudia would be content with the soft voice
and the playthings her gentle husband tossed at her feet while Lady Tyra glared at them in silence! But as quickly as she
thought the thought, a terrible awareness of Divine justice weighed against her, making it almost impossible to breath. “
Ima! Are you in pain? “
“
Nothing that you can help me with, son. “ She answered regretfully, in
the tone of voice she hadn’t used since he ran away from her and Ezra to join ranks with the despised enemy she now
thought to court. Xavier was a Jew, by choice if not by birth, it had been such an easy and clean rationale, but Zaavan and
Rueben were born Jews who were as foul as any leper’s rags! How then could she justify keeping them near to her breast?
When one of the servants at his mother’s house said there was a male visitor, highly agitated, demanding to see
the master of the house, Machba`nel instinctively answered in his mother’s place. Any one who knew her would know Xavier
was a visitor, but not the man of the house! A flood
of relief passed through him like stepping into a nest of scorpions and being struck several times at once. It was a tall
and thin old man, not any one who would demand the physical battle he’d braced himself against in his mother’s
defense.
“
Giovanni! You’re well, man! I almost didn’t recognize you! What are you doing here? Is my father
well? “
“
As well as a man may be, who’s dying. It’s you I came to see. He’s forbade me on my honor to speak
to this man Jesus in his behalf, as he spoke for me. But you seem near to him? “
“ What
does a soldier have to do with a king? Let’s walk. “
Though the slender forms of the trees
ahead would offer excellent cover to any hidden assassins,
Machba`nel lead the way toward the dark silhouettes that obscured the view of the massive lake and the mountain beyond.
“
I wonder who chooses the line that says this land is mine, and that land is yours? “
“ We do. With
our blood, with our willingness to sacrifice! “
Machba`nel
heard the note of asperity and apologized, silencing his older companion.
“
Abba said you were with him in Bethlehem? “
“ Bethlehem, we’ve probably been there several times, but I wish to speak about here,
now, Marcus! “
He stopped, seeing
the strange look of pain on his taller companion’s face.
“ If you mean the night we killed the babies, I’d rather not be reminded. I still hear
the screams after thirty years. That was so long ago, why does it seem like today? “
“ What if dead
King Herod had succeeded and He wasn’t standing here now? “
“ Then I wouldn’t
be either. “ Giovanni answered with measured slowness.“ And
that’s what I want to speak to you about. Wouldn’t you think a man of his stature would know there
was something very wrong with the man who is so dear to his own people and do some-thing about it? “
“ I wondered much the same thing when my wife Keren-happuch died. But lately I’ve begun to feel that he won’t do anything that is against a
man’s will. Though He could. Who could withstand the power of Heaven? “
The old soldier gave a mild snort of contempt
deep in his throat and paused, looking at the wind lashed clouds scudding across the linear center of the great lake. The
wind hadn’t reached them yet but there was a sharing awareness of cold pushed by the gathering fury of the storm.
“ You and Xavier are as alike as two peas in a green pod! Always with your head in the clouds! If the gods do exist, they have nothing but contempt for Man. “
“
Then how do you explain your healing? “
Giovanni shrugged, giving several different messages at the same time.
The
slight splash of a fish rising out of the water to seize a low flying insect put them both on guard, till the silence fled
from the pounding of the blood in their own ears.
“
We’d better get back before we give them time to gather sufficient force against us. They don’t
seem as eager as you to have a carpenter as a king over them, especially one who insists on right and wrong. “
“ Take care with
your words, Giovanni. “ Machba`nel warned but the old soldier simply shrugged and repeated himself.
“ You and Xavier are as alike as two peas in a green pod! “
They embraced and the straight backed old slave left courteously without once revealing the reason for his intrusion,
though Machba`nel was sure it was to find a circuitous route to the Nazarene to ask the healing for Xavier he’d forbidden
the man to ask for directly. Did everyone see how firmly he’d given his heart to the new king? it caused a cold shill
to shake him. Then Pilate knew, though he’d asked him to extend his period of service to Rome, for ‘patriotic’
reasons, to avoid losing a skilled soldier at the onset of possible rebellion, but was it something deeper? Because he could
be used, just as Coniah was used to capture and condemn his master? But to stay away from Jesus of Nazareth
was impossible…what if a further impossibility arose and he was the cause for the gentle king’s death?
It was a problem that seemed to imply its only resolution was his honorable death by suicide to avoid being used in
such a dark manner, but the very fact that he had been returned to life weighed against the subtle Whisperer masquerading
as his inward thoughts.
.
Surprised at his own vulnerability and over-sensitivity, Machba`nel resumed using his strongly male scented rooms in
the bowels of the structure most symbolizing the stone and power of Rome’s might even in this distant and dust ridden
corner of the empire. The baths were here and he’d become accustomed to the ease of toilets and personal hygiene for
needs that began to take a greater importance to him as he aged than he in his youth. When young, his focus was on the dynamic flesh that seldom lay turgid on his forelegs, now
he was concerned with his bowels and trimming hair when none grew before; a sure sign of a long old age, Apulio mocked him
when he caught him being overly attentive to his
personal dress and form. With his wife returned to Italia
with their two younger sons and the oldest en route to train in matters of war along the sea cliffs and rocky lands of the far northwest, they were more bonded than
ever before.
Machba`nel felt the lack of a son as keenly as his mother did, though he’d never admit it to anyone but himself
and he envied the ease of fecundity in the lives wrapped around him in varying layers of social distance and conscience. It
was pleasant to come to her house as they waited to see if Xavier would return from Galilee. He was able to divide himself
into sections, like an overripe pomegranate, each kernel sweet and tangy with regret at the same moment!
“
Why are you smiling at me like that, Marcus? “ She demanded in equal
measures of playfulness and suspicion as they reclined by a warming brazier that seemed to be putting out a remarkable amount
of heat, if not light.
“
You look radiant tonight, Ima. I would have had to draw my sword and challenge Pilate himself if he hadn’t had
the good sense to enjoy your beauty from afar. “
“
I wish your father could have been there to see it. If I was half as pretty as you attempt to flatter me. I’m far too willing to believe, I fear. “
She added quickly, lest he spoil the moment by petulantly demanding which father, then she saw how still and calm his
face was and she felt the knot slip away that had begun to interfere with her breathing once he accepted her impulsive offer
to stay and talk.
He reached his hand and stroked her cheek with the back of his knuckles, allowing his affection for her to show in
a manner he seldom allowed.
“
I own you an apology for allowing Phoebe’s daughter Rachel to get on my nerves in that way, Ima.
“
“
Put it out of your mind, son. I already have. If you were that unhappy together now, I can only imagine how much worse
it would have been when she had to deal with you on a daily basis. “
His laughter encouraged her and she
rolled on both elbows and lowed at him directly over the top of the reclining couch.
“
I’ll stop if it really annoys you. “
“ No, please, Ima. I see old age creeping up on me and I long for the companion you seek in
my behalf. “
“
You’ll always be young to me. “ She teased coquettishly, in rare
good mood.
“ Now you flatter me. “
As he shifted his weight, she looked shocked
and then sad, thinking she had driven him away, and it embarrassed him to see how lonely her life here in Jerusalem.
“ Isaac? “ She asked thoughtfully as moved
his weight more comfortably onhis hip.
“ Yes? “ She paused, as if uncertain how to
go on, or if she wished to risk losing the fragile peace
of this moment between them. Then she plunged ahead recklessly, like a soldier sending his himself and his treasured warhorse
over the edge of a ravine with no idea of who or what lies belong.
“ What are you going to do now? Please don’t get me wrong, I enjoy your company and
as long as you indulge my habits of looking for the proper wife for you with the same graciousness as you have till now, I
see no reason for that to change. “
He chuckled under his breath.
“
But if you take up arms against Rome in the name of this king you speak of so glowingly, what will become of our blood
line? “
“ It will be mingled with the sacrifices that flow from the Temple in gratitude that Almighty
GOD, Blessed Be His Name, has seen fit to free His Son Israel from his terrible bondage, or I will live, as the general who
helped to bring peace and sovereignty back under her rightful king. Can we makes promises that we won’t slip and break
our neck on slick marble tomorrow? To die nobly makes one’s life worth leaving behind. “
“ Bite
your tongue! “
“
Ima? What do you want me to say? I’m a soldier not a scholar. “
“
You’re also my son, the only one I have left! “
“ I
wouldn’t be worth the courage you taught me at your papas if I was less than what you made me, Dear Heart. But tell
me, what of that raven haired beauty you had with you for lunch this morning? “
“ Rogue!
“ Shelomith said, in her best pretense of happiness. “ Will I never
have a grandson from you? “
“
You have one. Irene’s son. “
“
One that I may hold. “
“
You never held me. “
Shelomith looked up
in shock at the candid tone, as if he were speaking with a contemporary. But something inside her backed down. Battles that
she lost by winning no longer held any appeal.
“
That’s certainly explains it. “ She answered tartly,
As he stood in the doorway to the chilled, shadow covered garden whose bare stalks and stems allowed one to see how
small the outdoor space was despite the cunning use of color and shape to disguise the basic oval with spring’s renewal
in Adar and Abib.
He couldn’t seem to get his mother’s odd question out of his head, anymore
than he could the tears on the old servant’s face as he described the two girls he’d help raise who kissed his
cheek and forgave him, or the shocked look of broken trust of the boy named David who wasn’t afraid of a Roman dog,
though his knees knocked together below a wet loincloth smelling of fear.
“ ‘What about this man Jesus?’ “
Would she have hated him, or scowled at
him as Tyra did now if he’d told even half the truth of his feelings toward the mild mannered prophet from Nazareth?
‘Couldhe bare the full
weight of his true feelings himself? ‘ He asked in self-castigating anger that
ripped the fragment of peace from his hands and ground it into the dust at his feet. He tried to pretend none of them had
happened, but at every noise in the small, cluttered house he woke, his hand reaching for the dagger under his pillow.
The sourness of her resentment at needing him so much was intensified when she was told he’d ridden out at
first light, leaving her to deal with the sullen Roman youth Xavier abandoned in her care. But she couldn’t
repent what she’d said. Nor that he had. She disliked being touched, and she’d used words to reward or punish
him. He’d grown up like Ezra, with a thick skin that she couldn’t touch without breaking through. But he was who
he was, just as she was who she was, and her only regret was that he put so much stock in a man she was sure would only disappointment
him by revealing feet of clay, like all the other would-be Messiah’s before him.
From time to time, in quiet times apart from the multitude that followed with Jesus, Machba`nel walked alongside the
Master dressed in garb indistinguishable from the simple folk around him. Leaving the twelve a step aside, to their annoyance,
rather than risk seeming to give their approval by waling near to him. Hilkiah and his family walked behind, with Mary and
her two youngest children. As the stadia lengthened, even Judas forgot the fright they’d had and began to pepper the
heavily scarred warrior about the battles he’d witnessed or fought in, until Ahava became a little embarrassed at the
strength of her younger brother’s hero worship of the quiet Roman, but to speak up and interrupt was to risk having
those yes look directly at her, as if he were looking into her soul and seeing the budding femininity that was growing in
secret, so she pretended not to care, they just happened to spend so much time near each other, even without speaking. Judas
Iscariot seemed to take special delight in watching the pain on her face when he maliciously told her of the middle aged Roman’s
engagement to marry and for the first time, her spirit pulled back from the handsome and charming man, and he began to hate
them both in secret.
The
prospect of being indoors in Joseph’s old house in Nazareth even overnight encouraged them to push themselves and the
little service animal harder than the weather did. Walking past her the high walls of her sister’s house Ahava heard
such an empty silence that she could barely lift her eyes from the lines of heat rising up from the familiar street leading
to Joseph’s house. The emptiness was complete, but it was within herself and she had no idea how to fill it!
So much had happened to her since she left home last Adar, expecting only to go on the half-day’s journey
to Cana to their cousin’s wedding and return to a life she could hardly remember now.
Rebecka was piteously glad to see them. But unable to stand as they entered! The house smelled of
vomited breast milk. Ahava and Judith had to work together to help Rebecka to her feet. Her leg and side were a purpling mass
of sores When Abigail brought her two daughters to see if she could be of help, but with the youngest child on her hip, there
was little she could do to help. As soon as Jesus arrived from seeing to Delilah’s care, the tension in the narrow house
altered sharply. He knelt beside Rebecka as she clung to his neck and wept in a mixture of happiness and extreme loneliness.
“ My
father won’t even speak to me if we pass on the street, Jesus! “ She
sobbed, but James’ face only tightened as he watched their closeness. “
Her husband and her child should be enough! “ He demanded angrily,
pretending he was speaking to himself. “ The lazy woman won’t even get up
“
Ahava tried
hard not to resent her brother James’ attitude toward the ill woman but it was becoming more and more evident that men
simply had no idea what was involved in keeping a house and protecting and nurturing a child who was no longer a helpless
infant! It arose the flood of emotions she’d been experiencing as her body swelled could rise her higher than the Golan
Heights one moment then plunge her to the depths of the dead sea the next!
Hilkiah motioned her over, laying his arm across her shoulder in a tender manner.
“
Why don’t you go visit Nasheed while we’re here and the boys are occupied? I’m sure she misses you
as much as you miss her. “
Jesus was still kneeling next to Rebecka, listening to her intently as Ahava and Nimrod left. It was like getting her
life back to be free to run down three doors to her best friend’s house! Nasheed and her new husband welcomed her with
warmth and a loving hospitality that left her a little
breathless. Rain came, pounding the flat roof mercilessly and left, drawing great draughts of cold air to cleanse the small space. She would have stayed the night there was
so much more they had left to share, but Nasheed was a married woman now, so she hugged her friend as if the world depended
on it before she went out of the narrow gate. She had to pass by Chakol’s house on the way home. Nothing prepared her
for Joses’ rage as he walked out of his father-in-law’s house just as she was leaving Nasheed’s. . As soon
as they stepped into the familiar courtyard at midday he began immediately to berate her for her lengthy absence as if she
were an untested child. Jesus was nowhere in sight so Ahava was about to speak up in her sister-in-law’s defense when
Hilkiah motioned her to silence. He spoke first, shattering two decades of mute acceptance of another man’s sons.
“
Is there no end to your arrogance, Joses? Or your fear that you won’t live up to your own
expectations? “
Rebecka held her eight-month-old daughter in her arms, as if she were holding her for the first time, stepping between
the two men as delicately a gazelle placing herself between two warring bucks.
“ For my sake, Dod. As you love me, and I love you, may we bring peace during your visit?
I’ve been too unwell to do as I should, and it’s gotten on everyone’s nerves, I’m sure you can understand
that, dear heart! “ She pleaded, watching him relent in the face of her smile.
“ I’m better now. This will soon pass. “ She kissed him
on the cheek in gratitude then walked quickly to the rear of the building to wash and feed the growing child. Her face shown like a new mother as she realized the terrible sickness that had claimed so much of her energy and filled her
mind with doubts of her own survival was gone as thoroughly as a cloud ripped apart by heavenly winds, and the praise flowed
from her like milk from her swollen paps to the hungry child!
Jesus didn’t return until the stars were thickly clustered overhead. Speaking with them kindly, he left out into
the courtyard within moments of his arrival. Seeing James walk hurriedly toward the spiral stone staircase leading to the
roof, prompted Ahava to pause as she made up her temporary bed. Although she’d taken Nimrod out to the meadow, she’d
forgotten her own bodily need. If she could get there and get through before her brother there was less risk of an offensive
smell lingering at the deep hole! But when they reached the flat roof where Jesus was supposed to be sleeping
in the unroofed Sukkah they found him sitting on the edge of the roof, with his sister-in-law leaning her
head against his chest in absolute and sweet respite.
James stalked past
them as if they didn’t exist, although his wife leaned forward to stroke his cheek as he forced his way down the outside
stairs. Ahava sat on Jesus’ free side, though
it left her and Nimrod perilous close to the edge of the building, which wasn’t being as well maintained as it was in
her father’s day. As she made her way cautiously up the broken steps she heard James’ voice raised in anger because
Rebecka had simply ‘talked’ with Jesus and suddenly she was well. Implying that she was in some kind of conspiracy
to discredit him and Joses! She looked up in surprise but the pain on Jesus’ face stopped her from
making an angry rebuttal and as she finished and walked back across the moonlit garden, the rooftop was empty, so was the
small room on the corner of the roof, the sleeping mat gone from its accustomed place.
That night, she went
apart to an area of the roof where the dust from the partially roofed Sukkah was so strong in her nostrils she was sure she wouldn’t be discovered or overheard,
and kneeling humbly, she opened her heart to the One Who watched from the near cluster of stars, the soft
breeze stroking the back of her neck merely the in and out of the Creator’s breath. Storm clouds hid the moon but the maiden slept that night undisturbed by threats.
As they prepared to leave, Ahava knew at a glance that something was troubling her mother but she was afraid to ask.
-
*
-
Naim
-
Though she missed the quiet companionship of the Roman on the road to Ruth’s house in Naim, it allowed Simon
to keep his promise to be with them for Jesus’ birth date on the Seventeenth and for his new family to remain with them
for the first few weeks of the bay’s growth when everything the new baby Caleb did was a source of fear and anger for
the young mother who’d grown up solely in the companion of rough shod men. That was more than compensation for her own
slight loss. She found a new joy at the manner in which Levi felt comfortable in joining their enlarged family circle, since
he was still being held at arm’s length by the fishermen from Galilee. The best part of both days travel though, in
her mind, was gathering around the main campfires, each family group an elliptical circle from the center of the fires, like
a flower with different sized petals, and the children pressed near to Jesus to hear him talk and laugh, and teach. But she
found herself straining at each delay, each time Jesus lingered to reach a person he’d just healed physically, and the
strain of her own behavior against her mother’s gentle role model filled her with inexpiable distress, as she longed
to be young for the first time in her life! Now irresponsible, but a person of her own age! She missed
Hulah’s company desperately and even her faithful little dog was no longer companion enough to fill the growing void
in her being. In addition to the twenty adults, there were seven young people traveling with the group whom Ishmael the scholar
allowed to sit on the lessons till they grew bored and drifted away, so Ahava had been able to reassure Rebecka and Dode Judith
about her social growth, but there was an ache growing inside her to see one person’s face and know that she belonged
there, a feeling she only experienced around the older soldier, and her mixed, often heated feelings shamed her too much to
allow her to ask an older woman’s opinion, even her mother or Mary of Magdala.
As the city came into view, she’d fought back a sense of disappointment. She was taking another step toward that
fast approaching unknown which was her future now. They had to step back to allow for a sizable portion of the
city that were following a grieving older woman with a sad, forlorn figure caked in death’s swaddling clothes. The mother’s
grief was so real it tore at her heart in a strange way, thinking of the three children she’d seen recently placed in
their mother’s arms. ‘How much more terrible to love them and have them the length of years suggested by the
long form on the bier leading the procession’, she thought to herself sadly.
Jesus and his group paused patiently for the passage of the funeral procession which had to pass by them to reach the
burial caves. When he saw the widowed mother so torn by her grief, he had compassion on her. As he stepped in the way, the
procession was forced to veer to the right to avoid running into him. He reached out his arms to receive the crying woman.
Despite his physical limitations from a difficult birth, Hezekiah had been a strong and cheerful person, and losing him on
the eve of his wedding had been doubly devastating to his aged mother. She looked up through her tears to see a stranger’s
face, filled with sympathy and concern. A face she’d seen somewhere before, but grief clouded her memory and her pain
denied any additional information than she had already endured in bathing her son, whose muscles and frame had contracted
in death. Making him look younger and more vulnerable than she had ever thought possible while pushing away his
too familiar kisses and esteem. Each had their place, but surely his place wasn’t in the ossuary before her bones had
moldered there!
‘None of her prayers had been enough to keep him to her, what could this kindly man be asking of her now? ‘
She asked herself, seeing the questioning in his eyes.
“
Do I know you? “ She whispered as his tear filled gaze bore
down on hers.
“
Don’t weep. “ He urged her tenderly, lowering his head until it touched her hairline.
For one terrible instant there was a struggle
between rage and acceptance withinher. She wanted
to scream at him in defiance of the command to accept a further life without her son as the staff and bread of her life. Stepping
with him to the edge of nothingness, and then being left behind. Only to have strong but invisible arms lift her to the very
face of The Ancient of Days, streaked with the tears and grief that she knew within her own heart. Then something
too deep to explain touched her anger and drained it away to a grieved acceptance of the greater strength of death over life,
the price of being Adam’s heir.
“ Yes,
LORD, I will. “ She whispered.
His
smile and her peace deepened simultaneously as other hands reached out for her physical support as the man whose name she
couldn’t remember turned to the brier carrying the hard-shelled form to be laid on the grave podium until twelve months
of decomposition would allow the bones to be cleaned and packed away into an individual ossuary.
He
reached out his hand toward the stiffened, immobile form as the litter-bearers paused.
“ Young
man. I say unto you. Arise! “
The corpse sat upright and began to speak in a muffled voice from within the carapace-like
shell of linens and anointment spices. The two men carrying the heavy load lowered it to the ground as quickly as they could let go of it, as the cocooned shape began to wiggle in protest
at the shocking confinement. The confusion and screams as they stepped back added to the belated cries of the late mourners,
who had no idea why the entire procession had stopped. Jude Thaddeus and Simon took hold of the knotted
wrap near the head and pulled it loose so they could remove the face cloth and allow the shocked young man to breath. When
the two copper pennies fell out, which had been holding the eyes shut, Simon reached down superstitiously and palmed them,
needing to feel something real and
tangible as his senses rebelled at what he was witnessing.
Elisheba, who had
been leaning against his shoulder, reached out delicately and pried his fingers open, staring at the coins in disbelief. Then
she began to laugh, in fear and awe, as the tone of the funeral procession changed with the former corpse standing upright
on his feet, his hair and clothing smelling of the exotic and powerful spikenard which his mother had saved up for painfully a few mites at a time for her own burial.
Fear
griped the witnesses and the praises that flowed to GOD from choked throats and parted lips was pure as it was soft. His hands
and upper torso had just finished being unwrapped but his thighs and feet were still bound when Ruth’s daughter Ischah
his fiancé came running, her face stained and swollen from her teats, and her clothing soaked with dirt and ashes.
“
Hezekiah? Kiya! Can that possibly be you? Has the world ended just so we can be together,
my beloved? “
“ The world has just begun for us! “ He
protested, and holding her tightly to him, he knelt humbly at Jesus feet.
Ruth and her remaining children came running to the edge of the crowd, out of breath, suddenly to shy to call for the
Master’s attention. They didn’t look the same either! It was so unreal she was beginning to
doubt her own senses as she felt David’s ben Chuza’s hand close around hers and she looked up to see the depth
of his smile.
“
My brother just raised a man from the dead? “ She questioned
David, wanting to believe.
“
Yes, he did, Beloved. “ The shorter boy assured her. Then he
turned quickly and loosed her hand to make room for Ischah, who’d just seen her from the edge of the road.
A
moment’s pain touched the young girl’s heart as she saw the look of tenderness pass between the newly reunited
couple. Would she never find a boy to look at her like that? Want to share everything important to him solely with her? Life
seemed such a long and lonely journey. Ahava hid from her brother Simon as Elisheba moved among the adults as one of them,
in her status as a mother of a new son, and she felt so alone that even as she sat in the back of the festive room listening
to the shouts and praises, hugging Nimrod as close as flesh would allow, she still felt alone; and mortified at her selfish
reaction when Ruth and Ischah were clearly so happy! The larger upper chamber of the rock and brick house echoed with special
prayers and candles that had been gathered for the
six days of ‘sitting shiva’ to honor the dead were now used in happy excess to light the reunited
couple and their mothers.
Jude
Thaddeus crouched down beside her, his body giving off warmth from the heat of dancing and celebrating. He watched Imri and
his new bride between swift looks in his cousin’s direction, but having impulsively chosen to come apart to be near
her, he wasn’t about to allow her silence to drive him away. That had been happening too much lately as he was uncomfortably
aware of how quickly her body was maturing, despite her youth.
“ Are you all right, Little One? “ He asked tenderly, catching his breath with ease and trying not to be too obvious as he watched
the longhaired woman who’d cast such longing eyes in his direction as he danced with the other men. She looked up with
tears in her eyes and he gasped inwardly. She was becoming a woman, and she was in love! He thought with
embittered repugnance. The limits he’d learned and accepted in early adolescence shutting her out of his life in that instant of recognition.
“
Yes, thank you, Thaddeus. “
Before she could say more and touch him or draw him into her budding femininity he smiled and waved, as if someone had called his name from across the room, quickly rising to his feet. He saw by her eyes that his trick hadn’t succeeded,
but he fled before anything else could be revealed
in her too expressive eyes. She came and stood beside the thickening figure of Hilkiah as she would have done Abba, trying
hard not to cry. Ischah was so excited about the news that she was going to be pledged, like Imri, that nothing remained of
her childhood to retreat too. Only strangers and sharp, questioning tones, like the old man who seized Hilkiah’s shoulder
and spun him around alarmingly as the strength gave out in his knees.
“ Brother, is that really you? “
Asa ben Jezreel gasped, having to hold
unto the man’s arm as Hilkiah looked directly at him without seeming to recognize him. What he had just witnessed simply
refused his mind to comprehend for a few minutes. The gray haired man started to turn away, thinking that he had mistaken.
“ Yes, brother,
it’s me. “
Hilkiah assured him,
taking in great breaths of air and dust from the man’s travel stained cloak as he crushed him near, yielding to tears
that seemed to spring from some inexhaustible source. Begging their forgiveness, he drew aside with his brother.
Seizing
the chance to move away from the bizarre stories circulating in the expanding crowd, Ruth offered to allow all of them to
come to her house. It was uncomfortable being the brunt of so many disdainful and questioning looks.
“ Is this one
of yours? “ He demanded in awe at the sweat faced, beautiful young
girl clinging tightly to his younger brother’s hand.
“
Since Joseph died, yes. Judith and Salome` are near I’m sure. Are you will? You’re as pale as death!
“
“
From what I’ve seen, that doesn’t mean as much as it would in Bethlehem or in any other part of Galilee
or Judea! “
He had difficulty
getting his breath till a young man in his early to mid thirties knelt beside him, laying a hand across his chest.
“
You’re that Nazarene, Jesus ben Joses! “
“
Yes, I am. That and much more, as you know. “
“
My brother speaks of you so highly, Majesty. “
This close he found himself looking into eyes
so compassionate and warm he felt as if he wanted to be near him forever. To never allow this bond of flesh to break away
or wither to contempt.
“ As I do of him, Asa. “
“ I
know you, don’t I? “ The
man’s deepening smile drew him in, and a rushing, bubbling feeling rose up from his inner being to wipe away the minor
annoyances that had seemed so great a mere stadia ago when a rough voiced solider half his age required him to carry his weight
backpack for a mile, simply because they cordially hated each other’s race so well!
“ You were the first visitors at my birth, as I remember. “
His tone was light, stained by the slightest
Galilean accent to his Aramaic. Yet it drew in the old man’s heart and sympathies as he leaned forward and laid his
forehead warily against the dark haired man’s shoulder, breathing in the smells of citron and mint from his freshly
washed hair.
“
Will I see you again, Master? “ He asked anxiously as
the young man stood. His hand felt cold and weighed
with lead as the work calloused hands clasped it above and below, in a gesture reserved only for family or the dearest of
friends.
“ Soon we’ll be together daily. Continue to talk to me, I’m
never to busy to listen,
Asa. “
Even as
the young rabbi walked away to answer another anxious summons, it felt as the largest part of him had remained, but the old
shepherd didn’t have words or strength enough left to tell it all to his brother, as Hilkiah knelt, kissing his cheek
quickly to assure himself this wasn’t merely a dream. Asa slept till the rooms around them were silent. He had barely
done more than groaned at the weight against his bladder and attempted to struggle to his feet when his brother and Mara’s
husband were on their feet assisting him to his feet. It made the loneliness of the last ten months seem all the more stark
and unbearable as they stood shoulder to shoulder rattling the weeds till the speckled pup wore himself running from one bush
to the other trying to find the illusive bird in the dark.
“
I feel terrible seeking you out like this, but the house has already been broken into twice while I was away at Abba’s
house, and...I’m lonely since my wife Sari died, Dear Heart. “ He
admitted, wiping furtively at the moisture that gathered at his eyes. His heart almost broke under the weight of his response
when his younger brother reached out and gathered him tenderly to his chest, holding him protectively, as he had done when
they were children and their father’s sons by his first wife picked on Abigail’s youngest.
“
It’s so near time to his taking the throne, brother. Just a short while ago he picked twelve of his closest companions
and gave them authority over his affairs in helping him to begin to rule the stiff necked people of the Almighty,
Blessed be His Name, that we both know us to be! “
“ ‘
Where you have two Jews, you have three opinions ‘ “ Asa repeated fondly from memory,
and for a moment there father Jezreel was there, in the dark with them.
“ He would be so proud of you, Child. “
“ But he
wouldn’t understand. “ Hilkiah answered, postponing the sadness
with a smile, rubbing his older brother’s arm
with a comradely spirit, wishing they didn’t have to be parted again.
Asa shook his head no sadly, despite the return of the weight and pain behind his eyes.
“ No. “ He said at last, “
But worse, he gave us permission not to believe. Life has been so full especially with...” He took a long and
trembling breath. “ With Sari never again quite right in her mind after our son
was killed on that terrible night! “
Salome` knelt at her uncle’s knees, her eyes filled with tears that only seemed to add to the old man’s
pain.
“
Oh Dod! Dod! If there were any way I could back and exchange my life for his, I would! I can’t
tell you how much it hurts me to know the pain we caused you and Auntie Judith! “
“ No,
no, you must never say anything like that again, dear Child! It was in the Hands of the Mighty One, Blessed
be His name, from the beginning! Would you take away one of my greatest joys, in loving you and Judith’s other children!
They die. That’s the risk we take in having them. “
“ But I feel so responsible,
Dod Asa! “
Taking her face in both of his hands, he stared into her eyes tenderly, his smile sealed around the edges by the scalding tears that slipped across the winkles down
into his short, trimmed beard. The love on his face
stole her breath away.
“
Let’s talk of the good things, hear of my hearts. Of the times to come when my father’s house is filled with the sounds of joy and children again. Sari was
a good wife to me all these years, and now with her passing, I simply need.... “
He seemed unable to continue
speaking and breathing at the same time, and covered his eyes to hide the additional tears. Judith took hold of her aunt’s
shoulders gently and pulled her away, allowing the grown woman to cry on her shoulder as she had her own daughter when Mara
was still a child only tall enough to lay her head in her lap. Even though they both had children of their own, she felt as
protective toward the gentle woman as she did her own blood ken. At a nod from his father-in-law Hilkiah, Eli walked over
and helped his wife from the room, holding hands and talking together in a low, loving tone.
“ Eat, Asa.
You’ll sleep better. “ Judith coaxed, setting s small
wooden bowl of broth and filled matzo balls in front of the gray haired shepherd. His
cry of alarm made her drop the ladle into cast iron pot she was stirring
.
His eyes were as wide as a children frightened out of its wits as she turned around in alarm, her hand pressed against
her mouth to still the instinctive scream.
“
There’s something in my matzo! “ He
exclaimed in horror and repugnance, his face crashing down with a wounded look at her sharp round of controllable laughter.
There’d just been too many emotions thrust on her shoulders in one day.
When she finally was able to contain her emotions again, she helped him to break apart one of the regular shapes lumps
to show that it contained a core of bits of cooked vegetables and slivers of a darkish meat.
“ When
Xing Wah visited us in Bethlehem those many years ago I helped him to prepare some of the strange, strange food he and his
master ate. There were so many people... “ She apologized with a helpless shrug. “ And the only bird we could
catch was all sinew and bone by the time we got the feathers removed, so I used this old trick to make what little we have
go further. I’m sorry, Uncle. “
“ For laughing or trying to poison me? “
He asked tolerantly, trying to accept a food that had chunks hidden inside it. His brow furrowed
as he poked at a second of the round spheres of cooked dough, as if he expected them to break open to reveal spiders!
“ Just
eat around them, Uncle. “ Judith laughed in apology, turning her back
to try and conceal the waves of nervous laughter that shook her against her will.
The old man just squeezed his eyes shut and downed the chewing orbs in a hunger that accepted the lovely taste, if not the concept of hiding food within food. He ate until he
was too full to hold another bowl against his chest.
-
-
End Chapter
42
