Thursday, 14th of Abib 1
Second watch of the day
3790
Golgotha
-
Xavier watched it all from under the canopy that Giovanni set up to guard him from the threat of rain and self. While
Aulus Longinus held himself apart, pretending a need to guard from an armed threat when only mourners and mockers came near,
some in horror, so to watch, pulling on their beards as if to force a decision to rise up from their depths and reveal itself
to their astonished and declaiming intellect. Nothing seemed real to him as the flight of birds of prey that the only movement
in his line of vision. He felt removed from the scene around him as figures hunched near the perimeter of the killing mound
of stone. Watching those who came and went with their heads averted, sorrowing downcast, while others dared to look up as
if in scorn of a figure far beyond their means to harm or afflict any longer.
Evi
the physician, heir of dead Jebusite princes, pushed his way toward them and Ahava looked up to him in pleading. It was an
open secret this man knew poisons, swift and sure! Perhaps he would slip one into some wine and she could taught the soldiers
with her budding body into allowing her to put some on a sponge and hasten the end of this terrible agony? Surely if he was
if he was making his way to Jesus’ mother and friends in public, he was someone they could trust! He had friends, he
was friends with that terrible man in Roman garb under the scarlet shelter! He had influence! Maybe he could make them take
her brother down? She watched his approach with new excitement. She half rose to greet the newcomer, then
sank back and clung to her mother, trying to force some comfort into the hunched, crying form. Her pain too real, too deep
even for further anguished cries. She reached up her hand, suddenly loving and trusting him to the depth of her love for her
brother that he should make himself such a vulnerable target for the religious leaders loud ire, pacing at the side of the
road. His smile in return stole took away her fear and she twisted sideways to watch Xavier and the mocking soldiers with
their curved backs toward the agony in the near sky. When Ahava felt his touch on her shoulder and she jerked upright, impaling
him on humble but knowing eyes, and he had to pull his hand from the pain. A male voice near them challenged what was hidden
in his heart, but he looked up in annoyance, trying to fool her into thinking he was her friend; for he saw
the truth of her wisdom in the silent rebuke of her gaze. It troubled him so deeply he began to repent taking this opportunity
to torment her.
“ You who were going to destroy the Temple and rebuild it in three days, save yourself!
If you are the Son of GOD, come down from that cross! “ Raamah
ben Tola mocked with the agony of a disappointed dreamer.
Watching
protectively over his younger sister and mother, James was caught off guard by the weight of his brother leaning on his arm
as they looked up in horror at the bloodied figure that hung in the sun’s heat over their heads. Joses retched in horror,
the partially eaten meal in Zaavan’s palatial mansion rising up undigested mixed with bile as it spilled upon the blood-darkened
ground.
“ Is there nothing I can do? “
He demanded, eyes glazed with pain and self-recrimination.
James looked toward
Rebecka, who pushed herself to her feet shakily. Joses turned and flung himself against her amble frame, weeping so bitterly
it opened fresh wounded for his older brother, who stood there numbly as his sister-in-law lead the broken man to the edge
of the broken weeds where they could talk in private. Life went on around them, in victory over the Man he was only now beginning
to understand.
“ Let this Messiah, the king of Israel, now come down from the cross, so that we might
believe! “
Evi
found himself holding his breath and waiting in superstitious awe. His soul expecting the very threat he’d just heard
in the taunt. What purpose could be served by the death of this innocent man? He waited, ready to believe,
ready to raise his voice in loud and reverent awe for the god who was so powerful. He even raised himself on tip- toes, pushing
against the silhouetted figure, to push it loose from the rough wooden cross. But the only answer was mocking voice from another
clump of grim faced men further down the road and the law cawing of the cross to another in excited anticipation. of a great
feast. He waited a few minutes more, perhaps the Celestial one was calling all of His forces from the four corners of the
universe, to slam down on this small mountain and burn up the clouds in the fury of their retribution against this sinful
men, but already he was doubting.
‘ He’s going to let him die. He’s too small a god to stop him from dying. He’s turned His
back on him for failure! ‘ He let out his inhaled breath in disgust, ashamed
at his momentary foolishness. ‘ Yes indeed, yes indeed ‘ He agreed mentally with the dark
figure which stood by him casting no shadow as shade on the miserable females crumbled at his feet. Evi moved angrily so he
didn’t give them even that meager comfort either. How could she know, his mother? His
had been the hand to give the purse of silver coins into the traitor’s willing grasp. Yet he knew, and he wanted to
mock the foolish man with the famous name of honor at his nativity, but he couldn’t because they shared the common bond
of gender, although he knew the man shrunk from the accidental touch of flesh as he received the coveted but secondary prize.
He drew in a ragged breath, fighting compassion as the youngest girl turned and looked back at him with such trust and hope.
He felt the air around him pulse and quiver with the very expectation he had looked for just moments ago. Puzzled he
looked at the starkly outlined scene stretched taunt against the darkening sky as if they and only they, the people of this
rock promontory were real in all of existence, and creation itself was holding his breath. It was both an invitation and a
Hand pulling him away and he wanted to hear the harsh whispers of strength and mockery coming at him from the diminishing
figure but the strengthening Call in his innermost being was attempting to sway him, with hope trying to outweigh knowledge
so carnal and vile he would gladly have allowed them to fall off his shoulders if only… if only...
he could just take one step closer to the promise growing in his heart. Then he closed his heart and his mind.
What need had he of another god?
‘I want to live life not merely survive! ‘ He challenged the celestial
Rationality and felt it withdraw, with a sadness that almost struck him from his feet in its invisible intensity. The thickset
man leaned down, breathing hard with the effort, and having to hold himself upright by placing his hands on his trembling
knees as he lurched toward the rocking woman, the widowed mother of the man suspended on the middle cross.
Evi wiped the sweat and the spittle to dry the corner of his mouth, longing for a sip of wine, some excuse for the
unnatural headiness of just the moment before. Anything to negate the power it still had on his mind and soul!
Savoring the taste of the taunts he prepared to repeat in her ear in a malicious whisper as she watched the magician’s
death helplessly. Didn’t his own people feel the same way watching David’s ragtag army coming toward them, their
drawn swords bloody from the killing of their men, leaving them defenseless?
‘Revenge
is sweet!‘ He thought in anticipation of his victory. But the gleam in his eyes ceased
abruptly once he rested his great weight against the smiling girl’s shoulder to keep his voice from reaching the man
and his two assistants who stood so near they must have been there for some purpose of their own. After a slight shift in
movement from the red haired giant who’d been seated beside the women without drawing attention to himself; his face
had been so contorted with grief that the overweight Jebusite prince had dismissed him as weak as the gender under his care,
Evi used his free hand to raise the bulk of his outer belly where it folded forward by his extreme position.
‘ Yes, indeed. ‘ He thought in shocked acceptance.
His senses had warned him correctly; Despite the size of his amble girth it was extremely sensitive, especially in
the red and chaffed area where the unsmiling serving man’s knife tip was digging in, the lower he dipped.
“ Yes well, I think I’ll go now. “
He said hurriedly at the girl’s shocked expression and pulled back, he could actually feel the knife tip withdraw
and a beading of blood gather at the slight but painful cut.
Suddenly, Raamah
went silent, his face flushed and crimson; his face covered with tears as he recognized his younger brother’s naked
body hanging on the right hand cross! Inwardly he cursed GOD at this injustice. Without warning, he was struck down, as if
by a giant hand, and struck the rock of the gaunt outcropping; foaming at the mouth and convulsing in the blood and the mud
at the edge of the cliff. A swollen and impacted vein deep in his brain rupturing; forcing blood within the skull case and
down toward the brain stem with great knotted clots like a handful of tzitzits racing toward the unprotected
heart and lungs below. After a time he woke, dazed and abandoned for fear he was demon possessed. Salvia
dripped down the side of his mouth but he couldn’t feel anything on that side. When he tried to use the hand under his
to rise up in a seated position it refused to move, if it was still there? He was forced to lay with grass stubbing into his
eyes, watching the three crosses until a terrible darkness seized him and the ground shook and he thought he was alone in
the experience until he heard others scream in the voice denied him. Hilkiah knelt by the stricken man,
his face slick with tears of shame and futility. With his son Noah’s help they raised the writhing body from the edge
of the cliff and carried it slowly downhill, intending to leave it at the house where Zaavan and Deborah had lived before,
but he thought they meant to wrap and bury him alive and as hard as he struggled, he could find no way to let them know he
was alive within the damaged shell! Sounds and smells overwhelmed them as the rock beneath they
feet began to sway and groan. The Isaac’s scream and the screams of the other man were drowned out by the frightened
screech of the birds as they lifted en masse. The sky in the size and color of their species, frightened out of their wits.
As the strength in the wings failed, they fell back to the groaning earth and lay as if dead.
When the grim faced man made no move to follow after him, he paused for breath, sweating copious from fear and exertion
rather than heat. He disliked the way the ground rolled and swayed under his feet as he tried to make his way down the hill.
He needed to get home! He needed to close the doors around him and shut out these stinking people with
their unwashed bodies and the stench of burning garage heaped too high in anticipation of a rare, three day Sabbath! He needed
to get away from the foul mouths that could taunt an innocent man as he hung dying in a gross perversion of their loveless
religion! It was bad enough that Rueben left him this morning to go whore that with female ‘thing’ he’d
married while she was still conveniently blind! He did it because he knew how much it hurt him to be proved
less than sufficient for the only man he’d dared to admit his love too! The beast!
He’d
sneak in and find that whore his younger lover just bought from Ahithophel and snuck into the house last week, and allow his
mouth to soothe away this pain in his gut too. There were herbal remedies for the strange rumblings and unrest inside his
bowels but none of them had worked for the last two days, now this! A loud bout of flatulence eased him greatly and he reached
for a healthy looking tree to support himself but it gave under his weight, throwing him to the ground at the same instant
a crow’s shadow struck at his exposed face. Covering his face, he screamed in mortal agony. His answered prayer had
come when he no longer cared to hear it, and it was just as cruel as he’d expected! He sobbed to
himself at the briefness of life and the depth of his punishment as he ached so deeply on his right side where he’d
fallen that he couldn’t even move his toes! No one would come to help him! Rueben would never stand by him, feed him
and love him with half of his body dead to touch! He wept deeper tears than at any time since childhood, but after a few minutes
the numbness passed, and though a sharp pain replaced it, he could get to his feet and hobble a few feet to a nearby outcropping
of rock. He tested it gingerly before putting his whole weight on it. Blood trickled down from a cut in his scalp and he nearly
wept again at the new injury, however slight, until he found he had no tears or self-pity left. Picking up a dirt-covered
staff, he bound one of his expensive napkins over it and hobbled toward the end of the hill in distaste and emptiness.
*
As the ground gradually stilled its sickening sway, Xavier pulled himself to his feet in horror at the blood covering
his lower limbs, but he was unable to locate any source broken in his own skin or muscle to account for it. Anger filled him
that he didn’t understand. Gripping the outer cross for support, tears streamed down his face in unmanly display, but
the Tribune feared to attempt to wrest control from the broken warrior. If Pilate objected, it would be his word against the
cunning old man and he could well end up on one of these himself! The odor of vinegar was strong on the air where the clay
vessel had overturned and broken, and to his left one of the common soldiers was trying to wipe the blood off one side of
the ivory dice. Xavier pulled back in superstitious awe and horror, trying to put some rational explanation to the movement
of earth and multiplied conscience at the death of this single man. ‘An earthquake, a coincidence.
It wasn’t the first in history, it wouldn’t be the last‘ , He postponed as hardened soldiers came to
him trembling like babes in their mother’s arms at the first awareness of thunder! It helped him to restore order and
to see the mocking crowd silenced and largely broken up.
‘Their
part was over, he was dead, they’d won‘ He thought, bitterly angry at the
emerging wariness of how close he had come to believing even as he talked to a dead man dripping out the last of his life’s
blood. Huh! Weakness! A woman’s weakness! The need to believe in what couldn’t be see! ‘
We aren’t savages any more! ‘ He raged inwardly, then caught a glimpse of three
men suspended between earth and sky on execution devices meant to extract the last barbarous ounce of pain and mental torture.
How far had they come from the jungle where pray was killed and eaten for survival, not tormented for a day
under the hot sun?
‘ I’m not the one responsible for this! HE brought on Himself by His actions!
‘ He raged inwardly in a loud voice. Shaking his fist at the invisible and immerse Face he ‘felt’ looking
down on him in celestial judgment, as much Zeus as Jehovah. Of course he’d studied the Messianic
in great detail as he chose to become a son of the Law, a mixture of the rational and the impossible but absolutely necessary
to give some reason and order to the pain and chaos of men’s wicked deeds toward one another, toward the widow and the
weak. His soul had rebelled at the thought that men like Zaavan ben Jehoiarib could murder and plunder at will and then just
died comfortably in their beds without some sort of painful reckoning!
‘
But this is life, that was just an adolescent dream locked in a heart that’s old enough to know better!
‘ He said in deliberate repudiation, but of Whom he wasn’t clear. The dead
man or the silent weight of the Force of Good, which surely must be as real as the weight of evil that he knew too well by
its coppery taste of blood and the bitter tang of regret and humiliation common to all
men, however mighty or lowly. Even the King had been disappointed, for he had dearly wanted a show, just for him, of the magician’s
powers and Jesus had been unable to comply‘ He
bent his head to watch the corners of the paper blowing from the chair he’d brought because he could no longer stand
for hours as he had done in his youth. He needed to debate, to reaffirm his own power, his own existence, yet this fact stood
while he saw himself as dust and sinew that would only harden and turn to dust in some sunless hole of rock. He had killed
his own son and yet Machba`nel was alive! How could this be? He knew death, he knew almost death, and he knew when the essence
of man has fled and only his corpse remains. Machba`nel had laid there, ‘Dead by this hand!‘
He thought in superstitious awe, looking down at the pinkish and calloused claw turned palm upright, as if it were
a strange thing, a portion of some other anatomy than his own. Jesus had done that while he was still alive
by calling out loud and disturbing the powers of nature, but he’d been flogged to the point of death of they’d
done nothing more to him. That was why they had to go out the Sheep gate, the shortest route to his place of public humiliation,
he would never have made the more circuitous route.
‘ Good planning! ‘
He thought factiously, to put himself in good with the greater Powers who had claimed victory this long afternoon.
Machba`nel might be alive, but he was dead! ‘And dead was dead! You pick up the pieces and go
on until it’s your turn to be stopped from all rational thought or memory!‘
A superstitious awe swept through his mental and ethical defenses. ‘ What if?
What if this man’s powers continued, though he himself was in the grave?
Plato was gone, Aristotle breathed no more, yet what they believed, what they said and did was as powerful by those
who remained and believed! ‘ It was almost a relief to be jarred
from his cyclic rationalizations by the quiet approach of Giovanni, motioning toward the figure of three soldiers in full
array racing toward them, out of breath. The men in the daylong duty shifted uneasily. They couldn’t leave while the
other two were still alive and the old man hadn’t given the signal for their release by allowing the legs of the condemned
men to be broken so they could no longer raise themselves for another breath of air. Upset by the earthquake, bored and hot
from their tedious duty, they shuffled across the rock face of the killing ground. The only air that seemed to be moving was
coming up from the valley burning garbage in the near-by valley of Gehenna and the stench of it was vile on
the otherwise motionless air. They wanted only to retreat to the small privacy afforded by their barracks, getting their seat
filled insoles off, and drowning the days events with warm Egyptian beer, and allow themselves to be sought out by the local
brothel beauties who worked among the soldiers exclusively. To re-establish their humanity and continuity in the face of death
all day, and only this man who’d fought so many campaigns at their side could really understand their restless need.
He attempted to close his mind in the same way he did viewing the carnage after a major battle, to prepare the terse report
he would have sent to Pilate to sum up and end this terrible day so they could start to put it behind them. ‘They
were, after all, nothing, if not rational human beings’ he mocked, silencing his own thoughts.
‘ I hope Shelomith is in a good mood to receive me sexually when this is over!‘ He
paused with a ragged sigh, allowing his natural self to take precedence over his soldier’s role though he was still
garbed in his full battle array to honor Caesar. . At the very least he would be able to abstain from maintaining the elaborate
ritual that no longer held any meaning to him, as he found no further weight to his claim to be a Jew. But even if she refused
him in a fit of pique, he would just have to do without this formalized reassurance of his own continued existence in the
face of such unwarranted death! He didn’t feel like giving away the amount of attention and false
smiles even paid whores required after one reached a certain age of lax skin and prolonged time till physical release.
“ He could save others, but he can’t save himself! “
An educated voice mocked just behind him, one he recognized from last nights council as well as on many other occasions
as well, but there was nothing expected of him at this banquet of physical and intellectual horrors. They had by-passed him
as surely as if he were as dead as these condemned men.
“ El
Dhu Olami, God of Eternity, are you there? “ His spirit shouted as loud
as he could muster, but he closed his eyes and resisted any answer, even silence!
“
He trusts in GOD! Let Him deliver him now, if He takes such pleasure in Him, for he said
He was the Son of GOD! “
As the red haired giant stood abruptly to his feet, the mocking speaker suddenly remembered something he’d left
with his larger group and hastened toward them. But the giant simply helped the grieving widow to her feet,
and shepherding the other women as they answered Justus Longinus’ summons to be allowed closer, to avoid the hurting
taunts
“ He is, whether you believe it or not! “
The aged Centurion said, in a bout of fresh pain as gentle words swirled around him like a protecting cloak that he
neither accepted nor pushed away. He knew the dying man wanted him to repent, but he wasn’t sure
he could. If he hadn’t come too far already ins tiff necked rebellion to a god he didn’t understand, to try and
make some last minute plea as he felt life ebbing from his trembling limbs? A commitment to a dying man
couldn’t be broken by the very Code of Honor which had brought him to this perplexing place. He closed
his eyes to shut out the graying face but it was etched on the inside of his eyelids and naught he could do with wine or winsome
powders could give him surcease from his own regret or sorrow. of their wealth and status as they wagged their heads in supreme
contempt, having accomplished all they sought in secret, they now presented themselves as victors, even over Rome, who would
allowed them to stone this man, but never have allowed them to humiliate him so publicly without their adroit maneuvering.
Only the chief priests Annas and his son-in-law Joseph Caiaphas hurried away, after pointing to the top of the hill several
times in growing rage, seething between themselves in a form of the language he’d never taken the time to learn since
all he needed to know of Aramaic was what he learned from his friend Jarius in Capernaum. Preferring the more civilized tongues
of Latin and Greek.
The words brought fresh screams and pleas from the two men covered with crawling ants and tiny black flies that flew
into the soldier’s eyes and mouths with nauseating persistence, forcing them to brush them aside or spit them out. Suddenly
one of the knelling men threw down the ivory cubes and rose to his feet angrily, striking the base of the nearest cross to
him, jarring the writhing figure into seizures of pain and muscle fatigue. .
“
Shut up! Shut up with you, up there! You aren’t coming down off that cross alive so hurry
up and get it over with so we can leave! “ He snarled in the victor’s
contempt for his vanquished foe.
Xavier watched only until he saw his
orders had been obeyed, and turned back to wait out the lengthening hours as best he could, the pain increasing with every
minute whether he stood or sat in a vain attempt to find release from the pain. Still the hours and the sense of waiting
went on, as the sky darkened and a chill apprehension slowed and then silenced the soldiers who asked permission to light
a small fire. He moved up the slight incline as if moving away from the woman and her overlarge love for her youngest son,
and he found the silence and sobs from the cross almost a comfort. He wasn’t as familiar with the stages of death which
would release them from this prolonged and ugly duty but surely their gasping attempts at simply getting air had to signal
the end was near! He still couldn’t find any rational good that would come out of this good man’s death for the
GOD he’d come to admire from the old rabbi’s teachings, and now he was beginning to wonder if he hadn’t
been seduced by his own inner desire to make something good come from the chaos and ugliness inherent in life?
He admired power and the thought of a GOD who created everything around him was an attractive illusion that he longed
to cling to it, even now, as he felt it slowly slipping away. He felt the first wet drop strike his left shoulder, then another
in quick succession. His first thought was that it was rain, given the growing thunder interspacing the strange darkness on
the near horizon. Then another struck and he saw that it was red! Reliving Justus Longinus at his place guarding the crosses
from would-be rescuers, Xavier shielded his eyes and looked up, the man’s bloody forehead and scalp were leaned forward
and he was looking at him! The hurting warrior took a quick step backwards in shocked revulsion but the
head moved, keeping His gaze on him.
“ My Heavenly Father calls you. Please
accept while you still have time? “ The words were clumped
in uneven groupings and interspaced by a struggle to breath over the accumulation of fluid in His lungs but they were as sweet
as a mother’s croon to the dying man and Xavier’s tears swept his doubts beyond the reach of his pride to reclaim.
Yet he stiffened his neck and moved to where he didn’t have to look at the tortured face. It was too much to bear!
“ What kind of father would do this to his son? “
He demanded angrily; then stopped as cold sliced through him from head to foot. What had he done
to his son? But murdered him to keep from having his pride betrayed because he’d followed this man to the grave rather
than live without him? He turned away from the flies and the noise, slipping on the mud created by the flow of blood and sweat,
but the sound of voices seemed to waken the other two men from their stupor and they began to mock the gentle rabbi on the
middle cross with the words they heard hurled by those whom they hated because they would live! He understood
some of the vile epithets being hurled at the silent man on the middle cross as they saw the painted wood Pilate had nailed
to the center cross, identifying the lean, naked man as the King of the people whose religious leader’s jealousy he
was ‘obeying’, since he said publicly that he found nothing in the man to condemn him. But
the bleeding man seemed oblivious to all of them, unlike the two writhing creatures on either side of him who cursed them
all soundly, soldiers and onlookers alike, until they had no breath left in the cruel stretch of muscle and bone.
‘It would be a blessing if he’d just die now. Then we could all go home sooner!‘
He thought to himself sourly, feeling the raw edges of the opium eating at the few places left that were locked in
pain. He sat on the padded stool that Giovanni provided, leaning back against the odd backed contraption
cautiously for fear his weight would tip in backwards and either break his neck or make him look the fool, but it was solidly
enough built to allow his to rest the back of his skull on it and try to shut his eyes to close out the burning glare.
He heard the laughter and the clink of ivory dice as the soldiers assigned to the deathwatch gamboled for the few possessions
between the victims. They had no desire to intervene or question the cruel, heretical from the expensively
dressed and obviously educated men from the side of the road. He understood, from his years of intense study before
he committed himself publicly to this peculiar religion with its single minded god, but he felt no desire to go down and chase
them away from this bestial harangue when they’d already had every victory they could require from mere flesh, they
wanted to break His spirit before He died and escaped them! And he wondered anew about the capacity for evil that allowed
men to kill without any further regard for the life they were stripping away. Had he? He raised his forearm
to fend off his son’s pained face.
Moving away from the cursing men to accept the
fresh goblet of warm, water wine Giovanni handed to him, leaving Aulus Longinus to deal with the unruly soldier. He sipped
it cautiously but it was only wine. Parchments papers moved their edges in the slight breeze that mixed the heady blossoming
of spring with the stale ash and smoke flavor from the garbage pit. He read the fresh dispatches and answered them, leaving
long legged and younger men to carry his report back to the Pratorium. He turned the hourglass over again and watched transfixed
as the first grains of sand ran through hastily under the weight of the bulk locked behind them. Then the wind twisted, carrying
the gasping words toward him that he was seeking to escape.
Isaac ben Tola screamed out
from his cross from the depth of his torment to the Nazarene’s left “
Are you not the Messiah? Save yourself, and us! “
Xavier looked up in rage, the golden tassels which Shelomith insisted the seamstress add for ‘dignity’
waved like masking fingers on the same breeze which brought the cursed words toward him! It shocked him to realize how large
a part of his life he had allowed his soldiering and rank to occupy of his sixty-four years! Why did they try
to talk? It made the water in their throats rattle even when their words were dry! Didn’t they know
how disgusting that was to listen too? He stood up angrily, causing firry strands of pain to race up his
gut and shut clammy hands over his enlarged heart.
“ Don’t you even fear GOD? “ 2 He heard the man on the nearest cross gasp as he limped forward
painfully to the edge of the canopy. Its dyed splendor made the darkening sky seem to contain even less color!
“ Since you are under the same condemnation? And we indeed justly, for we are receiving
what we deserved for our deeds, but this man has done nothing wrong! “
Xavier
felt Giovanni push a hand-rolled pill into his palm, his eyes filled withtears as he recognized the pain, but he shook his
head no, staring transfixed at the man on the center cross as the massively wounded head turned.
“
Jesus? “ The man on the right cross gasped.
Xavier stopped in place, the sound of the liquid filled word seared deep into his soul as he fought the truth within
him. Other than the man’s family he couldn’t remember anyone calling the godly man by so familiar a means as his
name. Even his disciples called him ‘Master”, or ‘rebbe”! He looked up against
his will, his bones aching at the mounds of disjointed bone and sinew on the dying men set against the strangely lightened
sky. Was it day or night? The man on the center cross lifted his head, disturbing a stinging mass of black flies and gnats
like a dark halo.
“ Truly, I say to you, today, you will be with Me
in Paradise! “
They stopped, exhausted
by the effort of speaking and Xavier collapsed backwards, causing his calones to cast aside the opium and
the goblet to catch him before he fell. A shocking warmth struck him from the top of his head and shot through him like living
fire until it seemed to scorch into the earth from his soles of his feet, Though he was stiff was the younger man helped him
to his feet, the burning ache subsided to a kind of numbness, expecting pain and he looked up in shock at the figures twisted
so grotesquely over their heads but there was now silence, the last shred of hope faded into a sobbing struggle to rise themselves
to force air into the diminishing Space left in their lungs for air. Black forms danced before his eyes as he
tried unsuccessfully to push away the concern man’s hands and help as crows gathered enough courage to land directly
on the crossbars near the barely moving figures. High overhead darker forms gathered against the threat of spring storm, vultures
drawn from the remains of the unburied piles of offal from the vast encampment in the valley just below the city walls.
“ You’re too old to be out here in this heat, good lord. “
Giovanni coaxed, trying not to see the heaving form clouded with black buzzing flies over their head.
“ I heard you! “ He said
sharply, in his love for this strange man at his side. He could have had his own command, but he was willing to abide under
a Centurion who never made it to general, the path to being Caesar in today’s society! “
You’re only fourteen years younger than I am! “
“
Yes, but I’m no longer the one dying! “ The man paled
visibly beneath his dark tan and he bowed low in abject apology but old warrior just touched his shoulder in a rare gesture
of friendship and compassion.
“ I can’t get mad the one time someone tells a truth in my presence, however rare
that might be. “ He added in bitter self-mockery. The man rose himself unwillingly,
unable to disguise the tears in his eyes, but Xavier chose to ignore them.
‘
This was such an unnatural and long day, he half expected the crosses to become trees again and sprout! Something had
to happen to reflect the truth of what was happening here!‘ He thought in
anger toward the One who allowed this to continue for so long. What good was a god who couldn’t stop
the one dearest to him from dying?
“ Let the women come near! What is he thinking of?
“ Xavier agreed, sensing the gentleness toward the weaker sex that had impelled the
other Centurion to be nobler than he.
Aulus turned back sharply for he had already snapped to do as he was ordered. He accepted
the clean square of cloth with a look of puzzlement.
“ First,
press that between his legs. No mother should have to look up and see that! “
He was about to ask about the modesty of the other two men and he stopped, shocked that his grim, authoritarian master
had considered an alien woman’s sensibilities, but he saluted and raced to do as he was told, as quickly as his stiffened
limbs would allow. Once he saw the mother, he understood. There was something in her acceptance of the thoughtful gesture
she though his that opened a place in his heart that hadn’t seen the light of day since he closed his grandmother’s
eyes with his own hands and used the last of their sustenance to hold her eyes shut in death with the two copper half-mites!
In that moment, as she leaned heavily against his arm he gave himself to her service for as long as their life left
in his body, and it didn’t even seem strange that he should speak and accept words of comfort to the grieving giant
as he passed her protection to the bare legged man and began to walk toward the mounds of dried sheep’s droppings. He
felt the man on the center cross call to his spirit, as He had with words that day in Bethany when he met him, seeing the
princess safely back to her mother for the first time, but he hardened his heart. He had promised to try and
he had! With everything left him he had! But now he had something he had to do! This man Jesus’ death
could not go unpunished nor his own two younger brothers who had looked to him for protection! Not while there was breath
left in his body! The red-haired giant walked away and never looked back! A cold chill struck the outside of
the aged warrior as he watched slack jawed when his calones took a place behind the moaning group and made
it clear he wouldn’t return! The tall girl who’d lost her head covering and the young boy to the older woman’s
side accepted her weight as she motioned for them to help her walk closer. Xavier stepped up quickly, lest anyone, especially
the squad leader Longinus, smarting from his stingingly public rebuke try to prevent them, but the others were hunched over
their games of chance, trying to force the hours to go by faster.
“
Woman, behold your son. “
Looking down at the young whose head had leaned against his head so confidently such a few hours ago, His face softened.
“ Behold your mother! “
Young John nodded, too stricken by the vile sight of blood and whips to attempt words.
Jesus’
head lolled back, facing the thunder and lightening that warred with the birds circling overhead,
Ahava
sobbed, afraid she’d start crying again, and she leaned forward, smelling the lingering fragrance of the spikenard
as she kissed her brother’s feet, the rough edge of the iron nail brushing her cheek as soft as His touch had
ever been. As deeply as she ached, she bowed her heart to her GOD’S command for this inestimatible pain and humiliation.
Then she turned and helped her mother back to the ground where the crushed weeds gave them some protection from the
dusty smelling rock. When Mary offered her comfort, despite her own grief, the young girl crumbled and fell to the stones
where she stood.
‘Why? Why? Why?‘ She sobbed, taking
no comfort from the messianic phrases Ishmael had taught her. There was no comfort that she could find
except in blind obedience to what obviously was to be, or He wouldn’t have allowed it, Blessed be His Name! Her
brother Simon knelt beside their mother, trying to hold Mary and his pregnant wife in his arms at the same time. He was crying.
Their Simon, their personal zealot who was going to free them like a modern day David against the Roman Goliath, and he was
crying like he hadn’t sting he was stung by the bee in childhood!
At the sixth hour
of the day, the earth shuddered mightily. Buildings swayed, trees toppled and profound darkness told hold of the earth, darker
than any night had a right to be. No created being on the earth or
in the heavenlies was allowed to witness the terrible agony of the great King’s only begotten Son’s sacrifice.
*
Xavier was wakened from his drugged stupor by the bite of stinging flies and he sat upright in terror, unable to tell
what time of day it was, or why he was in this place with this terrible burning ache in his gut? Giovanni saw
him waken, and knowing the powders for pain had worn off, raced to his side to see if he needed a second dose? He answered
the man’s thinly veiled questions then stepped aside as the hurting warrior strode to the edge of the motionless canopy.
“ How long has it been dark like this? “
He demanded in an accusatory voice.
“ It only just started sir, I assure you! “
“ Are they still alive? “
Xavier
cursed violently when he heard they were, and he stumbled back towards the table and the padded chairs, in an agony of body
and soul that was almost too great to bear.
There had been cries and curses earlier, but the darkness had gone on for so long that the people just slumped where
they were, waiting for death to take the rest of them. Movement was impossible, Feet, hands, legs, sprawled where they had
been when the darkness fell and you couldn’t move without stumbling over them; and if you could move, where would you
go? They were blind. With eyes wide open, they were blind! Even the cries of the children eventually fell into whimpers and
then they slept....it was darker than any night had the right to be....The sun had fled from the sky. How long? Was this to
be the end of the earth? There was movement from the crosses, spasmodic, struggling, sounds! Then about the ninth
hour, a loud voice broke through the darkness.
“ Eloi, Eloi! Lama sabachtani? “
“ My GOD, my GOD! Why
have You forsaken me? “
“
The man is calling for Elijah! “
“
Let us see whether Elijah will come and take him down? “
Ahava looked up from her cupped hands instinctively, only to see a blurred figure beginning to emerge from the lessening
darkness. She wiped the tears from here eyes and looked over her shoulder. People were starting to rise, to reach up their
hands as if to lift the cloak of darkness another inch or two off their shoulders,. She looked back in shock as one
of the soldiers ran toward the center cross with a stick in his hand, with a sponge on it. The rank odor of vinegar filled
the newly created spaces between bodies. She couldn’t tell if he was doing this in pity because the vinegar would
cause the body to lose water and hasten the end, or in anger at having been made so puny by the Forces surroundings
the dying man. She wanted to jump up and trip him but she’d held the same position too long and her legs
refused her command. But when the sponge was forced against his face, Jesus jerked away from it, the only movement possible
since his joints had popped out of place in his arms.
“
I thirst. “
The
air around them was becoming more breathable, and she could see that the heavy bodied vultures had clustered in a group to
one side of the bared rock. Then the light returned in brilliant majesty. It emanated from the man on the
center cross, radiating outward like swords of yellow and jasper brilliance. Instantly filling east, west, north, south, skyward
from horizon to horizon!
“ Paid in full! “ He called in a loud
voice, no longer choked or gasping, but joyous!
“
It is finished. Father, into Thy Hands I commit My Spirit! 3 “
His head dropped and gave up his life, just as He and the prophets of old foretold.
An ear-splitting roar burst outwards in all directions and the rocks exploded the noise of it or burst
into pieces! Trees trembled or swayed, animal voices echoed frantically the length of the valley outside the city gates and
in the mountain ridges, both domesticated and wild. Petals burst from fruit and nut blossoms, shaken from their limbs no matter
their stage of opening as the sunlight turned as red as a flame as it cor. The three occupied crosses on
the hill of stone, and the hundreds like them lining the road in bloodied anticipation of further use, swayed threateningly
as the rock and ground buckled and split in mortal anguish. The ground groaned and writhed like a woman in labor; rocks fractured
and split asunder from the force running through them, pitching people to the ground; held immobile by the weight of the boulders
and stone penned against them or by the effect of the centrically created force. Lame or able, soldier or civilian, men were
unable to rise to their feet. Not a heart but was beating wildly until the huge cataclysm subsided with a shuddering sob;
like a woman who child has pushed out of its narrow channel into the harsh reality of the light of death.
Xavier
staggered forward, his knees weak to the point of nearly crumbling as he leaned on Giovanni for support from the downward
pull of the elements.
Xavier’s face became an ashen mask as he began to comprehend the truth he’d denied so assiduously while
there was hope to escape his judgment.
And witnessing the events in the temple, seeing what occurred all the multitudes who came together for this
spectacle began to return to the barren hill, smiting their breasts in sorrow and agony of spirit. 6 They clung to one another as the ground heaved and buckled in on itself and the sound of buildings collapsing
and the roar from the earth deafened every other noise but the praise that flowed from a myriad of tongues and languages as
the awesome event passed with a shudder of the while earth.
“
How could a god die, adonai? “ Giovanni asked
in a trembling voice, focusing his energies on protecting the older soldier who’d served faithfully so many years. He
began to repent his personal question as the Centurion pulled him forward by not releasing the hold on his wrist as he staggered
out from the under the scarlet hued cloth to view the indescribable return of Spring newness to the winter devastated landscape.
The seasoned warrior at his side displaying the same shock and awe he felt as the light returned from the body now
lax in death’s grip from the center cross!
“
Not how, we may never know that, but why! “
Xavier answered in a low voice etched by awe.
“ Who
will teach us? “
He forced himself past his own fear, seeing the other men stand, returning to their tasks, shaken but in military order.
Not so the crowd behind them, but they were of no concern to him.
“
I don’t know. “ He agreed. “
I don’t know, yet. “ Focusing on the task at hand
“ Aulus Longinus. “
The death squad
leader raced forward eagerly at his uncle’s stern voiced summons, hoping for some material task to promote him. Being
made leader of a death squad was a mark down, and he hoped to redeem himself though he lacked the mental cunning to cause
such an instance to arise by design. Xavier sunk down into the leather chair, having no will left to dispute his rightful
assumption as chief centurion at the odious task now fulfilled. Beyond regrets, beyond hope of changing. It was finished,
and so was he!
. “ The men needs must die and be taken down from the
crosses. “ Justus Longinus said bluntly. “ We stand before the
face of history, and it is surely our judge! “
“
Oh. “ Aulus answered, with a slight exhale of disappointment,
his face hardening. But he moved quickly to obey. Stunned to hear his superior speak, though when he turned, frightened that
he had been rude unintentionally, the older man seemed to be talking to something on the skyline as much as to him.
“The Face of history, Uncle?” He questioned
with brutish meekness and awe at the mighty man “It will find you worthy, Great One. “
Justus angrily waved away the vain attempt at flattery.
“
Tomorrow is a special ‘high’ holy day for the GOD they serve, and the bodies must be taken down so as not
to offend the sensibilities of their deity. “
He looked down
to see the man watching him puzzled.
“ Are you still here? “
“
Only to ask your leave, sir. “ Aulus said, though he ordinarily
lacked acuity.
“ You have it, go! “
Ordering two soldiers to come up with him, as if he had been summons only to be given such authority, Aulus motioned
them to do the familiar work on either side of him while he looked at the man on the center cross, who appeared already to
be dead. A bolt of cruelty struck through him and he raised his longche 7 to strike between the ribs into the heart sac, as much to prove his superiority since they had to take
a mere hammer to smash the legs of the whimpering creatures affixed to their torture, the cries and the snap of bone from
the man on the end cross striking his cheek with a splinter of bone,
He touched his
cheek and then looked at his fingers in shock. ‘Blood? Pain? Him? He was a solider of Rome! The Conquering, unquenchable
race.‘ It seemed surreal. Feeling a sudden surge of power and lust for control he reached out
to wash the bloodied tips in the water that poured down the naked torso over his head when something stung him with the pain
of a hornet, though no swelling erupted. Leaping back, all of the unusual strength and sense of superiority fled
him and suddenly he cringed. Feeling as if his leather breastplate and sword were two sizes too big for him and he ‘saw’
a Face looking at him with such rage that he covered his eyes with his hands, refusing to allow the clawing fingers to pull
them away as his second in command pleaded, swore and wept because he’d caused harm to a superior. It would be ten lashes
at the very least! Perhaps more! Xavier was a vengeful man full of hate!
‘Oh why, why me‘ He pleaded to some nameless, formless
power he senses possessing this rock in a way he couldn’t understand.
Then
Aulus Longinus straightened and the weeping man was silenced by what he saw there.
“
It was an accident. Nothing more. Return to your duties, soldier. “ This
stranger said with the young soldier’s voice. Trembling violently, he moved to obey, but even as
he pretended an interest in his own duties among his fellows, he was watching the man with the cut cheek and tentatively seeking
the One this Man had died for, to see if he could find again what he felt in that instant his superior touched him and smiled,
forgiving him?
Xavier turned on his heel. Choosing to quench the rising Spirit within him with that same ruthless brutally he’d
been systematically stripped of his ability to feel his enemy’s pain. The vacillating soul within fearing this new emotion
as weakness, though it was abruptly freed from the taunts by the Voice that had seemed more powerful than dominant Aries,
the god of war himself! Replaced by a call that reached past his defenses to expose his utter need! The
sun was failing, this time with the approach of evening. This time it would set in a crimson flood into night. The darkness
that seemed to weigh against their very souls as death took hold of the motionless, exsanguinited body and there was no pretense
left to them that He still lived. Even the flies became listless, motionless, their weight like boulders too heavy to be removed
or resisted.
‘ And it’s ending more than just this day! ‘ Xavier thought
to himself in an anger he could neither control nor explain. he risked deliberate rudeness to the man who could help him in
a few weeks. Dismissing the mild manner man with a flick of his fingers, he turned to the papers held to the padded seat by
a stone, as if they were important and demanded his immediate attention.
Mary’s failing body wracked with sobs, as she held the grotesquely angular form, attempting to wipe away sweat
and blood as careless soldiers stepped on them and around them, crudely removing the dead bodies that no one had claimed.
While the dead man’s cousin Jude Thaddeus placed tiny copper mites on the closed eyes, as the nearest
male relative available at this terrible moment of grief, the girl who called herself Salome` tenderly laid the armloads of
fragrant blossoms on the still figure laid against the cloth which would allow them to carry the body to the privacy of the
tomb, to be swaddled in strips of expensive linen and wrapped with aloes and myrrh to hide the odor of destruction, then stood
to one side as the crying children who’d accompanied her did likewise, filling the air with a strange and haunting perfume
of new life. Xavier couldn’t look away, even when he averted his eyes; the scene of the mother’s grief tore at
him viscerally, replacing the blurred images with its stark finality, until he looked back.
Knowing
how Shelomith would be as this mother, as she wept over the body of the son he killed, he found a relentless remorse seize
him and shake him violently until Aulus Longinus feared he’d have a fatal seizure on the spot. But when he motioned
a soldier to hold his arm, Xavier pushed the man away roughly, barely aware of his presence as he walked to the bloodied corpse
as it was forced to lay straight on the bottom half of the expensive cloth. As a soldier, he knew death. Looking at the purpling
pooling under the ashen gray skin he felt a sorrow that reached deep into his entrails and took hold, like a savage dog fighting
its way out. Before anyone cloud stop him, he reached his side and pulled out a metallic object and bent down. One of the
women cried out, thinking he would mutilate the dead body for some gory trophy of Rome’s victory. The mother’s
hand seized his wrist so hard it felt reddened welts, but as she saw the object, she relented and though her fingers released
their hold, she had no strength left in her to pull away her hand. Her fingers trailed a chill path across the remainder of
the Centurion’s arm as he reached down and placed his son’s amulet across the prone figure’s throat. Then
Xavier straightened with an effort, lifted his head to the sky, eyes closed and bellowed the pain locked inside him like stone.
The dark billed birds answered and people howled in mourning from a distance but no one attempted to comfort the sobbing man
even after his head fell forward of its own weight and his tears fell to soil the cloth as a face napkin was placed over the
unrecognizably swollen features to give Him a final moment’s dignity.
-
And as they walked His body to the tomb, He who voluntarily stripped Himself of everything, even dignity, to be born
naked in the blood and the water of expulsion from a virgin’s womb, wrapped in strips of homespun for swaddling, was
clothed again in His rightful glory as King of kings and Lord of lords. The mourners saw no difference,
the weight of the body they carried seemed the same, its shape undisturbed. When they reached the tomb it was too close to
sunset to allow them to do more of the rituals for the dead, but the woman marked the place where He was laid, sharing the
weight of the jars of precious oils as they hurried to Bethany so as not to profane the Sabbath by carrying a burden nor leaving
them lay on the side of the road, ignoring their great cost to the man who had given them up for his Lord’s burial.
Alone, Jesus crossed the great gulf from
Sheol, which was created for Lucifer and his fallen angels, into the welcomed air of Paradise and the cries of joy from within
the haven of angels as the godly of generations past saw face to Face the Source of the light in which they had waited for
the promise of Eden to be kept. A space opened in the dark void of the underworld so long
dominated by the pride of its dark prince, as Sheol itself reeled alarmingly at His entrance. And the Holy One stood before
His defeated foe to accept the keys to Death and Hell onto the outstretched palm of His nail pierced Hand.
-
End Chapter
77
